2016/06/09 23:13:42
Freddy J
I have taken a slight detour from my usual type of song and most definitely from my comfort zone.  I wrote these lyrics a long time ago when we were living in Toronto and I was contemplating a career change.  I recently added some music to these lyrics with the intent of not having the music to compete with the lyrics.  What I ended up with was a kind of dull song.  I have undertake several iterations of this number (changing instruments, progressions, adding sounds to hopefully create a kind of surreal atmosphere, etc.) and this is what I have ended up with. 
 
Since I am way out of my comfort zone, I would appreciate any feedback that you will provide.
 
Thanks.
 
Winthrop Castle
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=963481
 
2016/06/11 00:26:06
Guitarpima
Sorry Freddie. Your song didn't play when I clicked on the link and I can't go searching anymore as my eyesight is become really bad in the last year. A shame as I was looking forward to hearing your rockabilly. I don't even read what anyone writes. I just look for the link and click play.
2016/06/11 03:12:20
Bob Oister
Hi, Freddie,
 
Yes, Sir, this is definitely much different than your usual genre, but I really like this a lot, and it's always good to slip in a wild card once in a while to change things up!
 
Great lyrics, the keyboards give the song a cool ethereal ambience that matches the song theme, your vocals and harmonies are fantastic on this, and the clean, well played guitars still give it a touch of that recognizable "Freddy Vibe" that I always look forward to.
 
Excellent work, Freddy, cool stuff!
Bob
2016/06/11 18:51:09
mgh
a bit Nick Cave-y in feel
i'd get that synth out of the middle to let the vocal have more space
change up the percussion at some times
to me it feels like needs a less busy mix/drum pattern and work it like a Len Cohen/Nick Cave ballad - only bring the drums and guitar in at the second chorus
didn't slit my wrists but enjoyed;-)
2016/06/13 15:00:42
stevec
Yeah, this is certainly different for ya!   The intro was "OK" for me but when things got going I liked the ethereal yet grounded vibe.   And the spaghetti-western-ish guitar line fit so well. 
 
Mix-wise, if there was one thing I'd do it would be to add a bit of that ambiance to the vocals - delay, reverb or both, maybe selectively added through automation.  
 
2016/06/20 22:20:41
Freddy J
Hi Robert.  I am very sorry to hear that your eyesight has gotten worse.  I'll keep you in my prayers for recovery.  If you can, please try the link again as it seems to be working now.  Thanks for trying.
 
Thank you Bob.  Ya, it definitely is a bit different than my usual stuff but every once in a while it helps to slip out of your comfort zone and stretch a bit --- I think (?).   It really helps to hear what you are doing right as well as what needs improvement.  I really appreciate your comments.  Thanks again buddy!
 
Thanks Mark!  I appreciate your insightful suggestions.  I am going to wait to see if I can get a few more comments before working on the changes.  Thanks again!
 
Hi Steve.  Yes it is out of my usual comfort area.  I appreciate your listening and suggestions.  When you are in a different zone it helps to get feedback as to what did work and what improvements should be made.  As I mentioned to Mark, hopefully I will get a few more suggestions before I work on the fixes.  Thanks!!
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