Original song.  Jazz/Pop chord progression I came up with and ran through Toontrack EZ Keys in a "Doobie ala Michael McDonald" type groove and some of my own grooves so the piano part is hybrid.  Bass is Trilian Bass Module funk sound.  Also features EZ Drummer grooves/fills and horns from Garritan JABB, Strings by NI Session Strings and Miroslav Philharmonik.  Hope you can enjoy it.
 
http://johnbowen.bandcamp.com/track/out-in-the-open
 
John B.

You did a good job with the mixing on this -- everything stands out nicely in the mix in a pleasing way.  I would like to hear some more variation in the verses instrument-wise -- perhaps some guitar parts.  And, certainly when the second verse kicks in there should be some variation in sound from the first verse.  The bridge has some interesting chord changes -- -- at the end of it in particular.  You seem to be straining in the vocals -- perhaps lowering the key a step?  :)
 
Allan
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John,
 
Cool song and decent mix.   To my ear, the bass, drums and piano all seem a bit too stiff together.   Maybe try some groove quantize or add a little swing to the parts.   The problem with using MIDI loops is that they can sometimes sound a bit mechanical. The piano will also sound more loose as a result of those changes.  You have a good thing here, just needs to maybe loosen up a bit.  I would also put the drums, bass and piano into a common space.  Very nice song and good vocal performance.  

Thanks guys.  Voice is bad because of asthma and the meds I take for it.  It would suck no matter what key, so I might as well go with a key I like and do the best I can.
 
John B.

As the others have said - This tune would be greatly enhanced if you loosened it up and let it swing a bit. Also-
 
>Get rid of the left hand bass in the piano when it conflicts with the "Bass" bass line. Maybe leave the bass in the piano for the intro, but then do not bring in the Bass until the verse - or maybe even delay the Bass until after the first verse completes(00:54) or even (01:17). This would also help add variation to the song.
>Try widening the piano all the way from left to right. Too far left now.
>All the non-drum instruments sound -to my taste - too synthesized. Try for a more acoustic sounds.
>As Allen said, maybe add a nice rhythm guitar part and then bring down the keys more into the mix.
>It would be cool if you could find a female singer with a good Jazz voice to do this. If you want to keep it for yourself, then I would say you might try a fairly strong double-track and some delay/reverb, especially on the changes and choruses. Some fairly heavy compression on the lead vocal might also work for you.

You sound just like the lead guy on Flaming Lips!
 
I had similar reaction to others. Piano left hand is too far left-panned. Bass and piano are too quantized, too mechanical. Some BG vocs on the B section (0:51) would fill it out and give some variation from the verse.
 
I think this might be on purpose, but I'm struck by the odd interplay between the I chord and the first inversion V, so it feels like you're moving to V and I hear the leading tone, then you bounce right back to the I, and I'm struck by that in a non-good way every verse. I tend to like when chances like that are taken, but it doesn't quite work for me. Hey, what about removing the piano left hand entirely?
 
There's SO much rhythmic activity in the trio, yet the tune is slow and smooth and even - this doesn't work for me. If this were my project, I'd simplify the piano and bass and take the whole thing up in tempo a bit. It feels like it's too slow for the lead singer as well, like he (you, I'm guessing) are impatient to sing faster.
 
And I echo the idea of adding some reverb/double track to the lead vocal.
 
The bridge is lovely, and I like the lyrics there, but it ends awkwardly and abruptly, (2:28). And the next couple chord changes right after it feel weird. Feels like a stumble.
 
"Lyric you convey much too deep" and "within reach" - Syllables are all off there. 

Very nice tune... I think you nailed this one exactly the way you had intended it to be. Vocals and Piano are really fine. It has a Neil Young vibe to it. The orchestration works equally well.  Enjoyed this one alot. 
... Just noticed that your from Reading, PA.  I lived in Emmaus for about 8 years.  

Thanks all for your suggestions.
 
Tap.  I've been to Emmaus alot.  Great Penn Dutch food down there.
 
JB

Johnbee58
Thanks guys.  Voice is bad because of asthma and the meds I take for it.  It would suck no matter what key, so I might as well go with a key I like and do the best I can.
 
John B.

John,
 
I think your singing is fine, actually not bad at all.   My comment was specifically about the mechanical timing of the bass/drums/piano.   Your vocal would be helped with a more swinging track and some of the compression, double-tracking or verb updates recommended above but the singing itself is pretty good.   I don't have asthma and can't sing half that well:)
 
Regards

Thanks Mark.
 
In regards to anything "conflicting", in the opinion of the creator, nothing is conflicting here.  I would've never considered this song complete and presented it here had I thought anything "conflicted". Theoretically, the "conflicting" chord is a G major with C in the bass. On the bass part I emphasize the B (ie the major 3rd in the scale degree of tonic (I) G chord) in the bottom a lot here. (See, I know theory too.  I've studied it). Chords like this are frequently used in jazz and I have an intense love for jazz.  That's my style.  If you think it sucks or "conflicts" , that's how you see it then. I appreciate your suggestions but I'm happy with the arrangement of this song.  I'm sorry if you don't like it.  I guess my music doesn't really suit everybody.  That's life.
 
Peace and good luck.
 
John B.