David-
My preferred method for selecting notes in the PRV is to use the mouse to lasso the blobs in the track. There are other ways, but that's the way I do it.
Yes, you do get that circle-with-a-line through it icon with the mute tool. When you hover the pointer in the right place over a MIDI note's "blob" (not the keyboard to the left, the actual note blob itself) it changes and you can then click on the note which should mute all currently selected notes.
As for the step sequencer, all I can say is that when I select a bunch of SS clips in track view and open the SS by right-clicking on one of them and selecting view/step sequencer, muting a row in the SS view that pops up mutes the same row in all the clips. At least, I crwated half a dozen clips and tried it and it worked.
To be honest though the best way to get what you want is to use the internal mixer in the drum synth/sampler to mute all but one drum, bounce it to a track and repeat as necessary. I haven't got SI drums installed though, so I can't confirm if that's possible or not.