wonder what you guys think of this:
https://soundcloud.com/so...e-crazy-my-scrap-vocal
(lyrics below the track)
 
production and vocal will be upgraded, so i'd most of all like feedback on the songwriting.
i intend to have it produced with a vocal a la bruno mars.
 
thanks:-)

I think I can hear the song you have in here. I can tell where you want it to go. I'd strongly recommend you develop it a little further, or a lot further, before you let it out into public again! As a before picture, it's pretty good, and I'd like to hear the "after" picture as well!
 
I like the bones of your arrangement, seems like it's pretty solid. I'd be tempted to double those vocals for a little depth. Sadly, I couldn't pick Bruno Mars out of a line up, and he's probably the most successful songwriter in the last few years, I know, I know. That might be less of a compliment for his songwriting, and more a comment on the years.
 
good job, good night, and good luck!
-Tom

There is not much I can comment on here I'm afraid, other than the lyrics and arrangement sound fine to me. Not a genre I would listen to unless asked to here, which is partly while I feel unqualified to comment.
 
Kudos to you for at least getting something down and getting a project to this stage
 
cheers
 
andy

Not my genre but I will give you a pointer or two on the mix.
 
The vocals are too far out front and need to come back so you can hear the other elements. It appears that the drums may be too quite also.
 
I would start by muting the vocal and everything except the bass and the drums. then set the mix between the bass and drums first.  Then start adding the other elements back in and work with panning to find a place in the sound stage for everything.
 
Then bring your vocals back in and lower the volume so they just peek out over the rest of the music.
 
you may find the voice is hard to get right. If that happens use the analyzer to look at the frequency range the vocals are in. perhaps the 350hz range.
 
Once you have identified where the vocal is in the spectrum use the analyzer on each of the other tracks to see which are conflicting. Then use an eq to gently reduce that frequency in the conflicting tracks.
 
Hope this helps.

you are Crazy - there I said it :)
 
I agree, the vocals need to be dropped and 'dirtied' up in the mix a bit - some saturation and a hpf would help it fit in better

I agree about the vocals. But I do enjoy the song

This tune and the arrangement reminds me quite a lot of something 10cc might have written back in the day. They were so tight with their harmony and vocal/instrument interplay and always true to their pop sensibilities. Your lyrics and music have that same constantly moving, tightly interwoven infectious pop quality. I love 10cc, and this could be a pretty amazing tune once you get it further along with the right talent in there. I agree with the other comments on the nature of the mix. I would prefer some more keyboard and piano rather that synth synth synth, but I guess that's really how today's stuff sounds, so I'm probably showing my age there.
 
Cool tune, can't wait to see where it goes!