If history is any guide, there have been too many major events where I failed to stop myself. For this reason, I Am unqualified for the security gig. I mean, I'm usually the one that Security is trying to stop.
I thought about offering to take on the Valet Parking role. With this crowd, that probably means that I would get more than one opportunity to drive a 1979 Dodge Omni. The problem is that very few people would be willing to hand over their keys to me.
I'm trying to decide between the roles of Pointless Protester and Invisible Unicorn Wrangler. After all, I have a knack for being able to find invisible creatures. Teachers used to give me that job just to get me to leave the room. On the other hand, I have demonstrated an aptitude for long, meaningless rants. We all know that's a rare quality in the CH. Maybe I should wait and see if someone else steps up to claim one of those spots.