henkejs

LabDog

henkejs
Welcome. I was widowed over 20 years ago and I can tell you it took years to get my balance back. But it did come eventually, so try to be patient and above all be good to yourself.

 
I can tell you that your loss, even though so many years have passed, is certainly heartfelt! Years to refocus sounds daunting to say the least, especially when all I've really known in my short 45 year life here, is her! And she was over 30 years of that life!
 
I certainly take your advise to heart, patient, I can do, but I also feel like I'm dealing with a loss of drive. I know you know what that is; how did you deal with that?

Craig gave some good advice about trying to find something new to put your energies into, but my point about being patient is not to beat yourself up if you can't seem to get where you want to be as fast as you think you should. It's OK to feel like you're floundering, like you've lost your drive for a while.
 
You know the cliche about taking one day at a time. Sometimes you just need to manage the most basic things: am I getting any sleep, am I eating all right, have I got clean clothes to wear? These may sound like simple things to most people, but they're not always easy when you're feeling overwhelmed.

I agree, Craig's advise is great, as is yours, 'one day at a time', I can keep doing that... Especially very good points in the eating, sleeping right among the others mentioned! I need to get myself in check regarding all those as I have been pretty thrown out of sync there... got clean clothes and try to remain 'approachable', so I'm pretty sure no one is saying "What is that?" when I'm around  
 
But still, I know I'm not eating or sleeping quite right of late... Maybe I'll try to set a 'go to bed' and/or 'go eat' alarm

BobF
Welcome!!  Sorry about your wife.  I would be totally lost.
 
As others have said or alluded to, don't expect much high-brow here in the CH.  This is where we come to forget sanity and reason.  Did I say "we"? 

Thanks Bob, I'm definitely feeling pretty lost right now!
 
I do appreciate the banter here, it's a bit off and disarming, with some comments leaving me speechless, but that's a pretty cool thing! So I thank all for adding a cheerful moment to an otherwise uncheerful time...

Well, one you get settled in you'll start to understand the "inside" jokes we've been telling for years. And that for the most part we're 40ish to 60ish little boys just hanging out (and hopefully not too over the line locker room talk).
 
Hint: Becan is bacon. You've been warned. 
 
There's more but that will come in due time.

bapu
Well, one you get settled in you'll start to understand the "inside" jokes we've been telling for years. And that for the most part we're 40ish to 60ish little boys just hanging out (and hopefully not too over the line locker room talk).
 
Hint: Becan is bacon. You've been warned. 
 
There's more but that will come in due time.

I see, well thanks for clearing that one up... I somewhat thought that might be the case, but I'm not one to assume... Definitely seeing the signs of more to come

BobF

Yeah, Bacon!!! I can sing about Bacon  That actually looks really good, I could seriously devourer some of that too!

LabDog
...I also feel like I'm dealing with a loss of drive. I know you know what that is; how did you deal with that?

For me, it was joining a band. 
 
I knew if I didn't find a way to get out and interact with other humans that I was on track to becoming an isolated, bitter old hermit. Even now, there are times when I'd rather curl up with a book on Saturday night than lug gear in the rain for a 50-dollar paycheck. But because other people are depending on me I am motivated to get off my butt. And once I'm on stage I remember why I cannot NOT do it.

I also remember it not being easy for everyone to convince you to join that band too! 

So true, Craig. I haven't forgotten about the role my CH friends played in helping me make that decision. 

bitflipper

LabDog
...I also feel like I'm dealing with a loss of drive. I know you know what that is; how did you deal with that?

For me, it was joining a band. 
 
I knew if I didn't find a way to get out and interact with other humans that I was on track to becoming an isolated, bitter old hermit. Even now, there are times when I'd rather curl up with a book on Saturday night than lug gear in the rain for a 50-dollar paycheck. But because other people are depending on me I am motivated to get off my butt. And once I'm on stage I remember why I cannot NOT do it.

That definitely makes sense... for me music "Feels like" the obvious path to getting active/interactive with the world again and keeping me sane; just because it's what I come from... at this point though, I'm kinda struggling to create my path to creating music, with my environment being one in flux. Most of what I own is in a storage bin and right now I only have this Surface Pro 3 and a USB MIDI controller keyboard with me. I ended up purchasing a PreSonus Studio 192 Mobile to use with the tablet, but it's been a problematic venture getting to even run... story for another day I suppose.
 
I guess though, the suggestions 'be patient and kind to yourself' actually help me in considering the hindering struggles and problems of life won't last always, so thanks for that reminder henkejs
 
Wanna hear something messed up... I actually had thought to try and help others in need pretty early on, so in hearing about a nice, also recently widowed lady, who owns a Bible book store nearby; I went to offer my condolences, comfort and help with whatever she might need. Trying to bring her comfort, I ended up the one breaking down and needing the comforting from her! lol