Well I don't know anything about V-Drums or their hi hat pedal but I'd imagine you could set specific MIDI notes to different pedal states. So maybe try figuring out what samples you want to use for closed, half and open then program the V-Drum brain to that or in reverse figure out what the default closed, half and open notes the V-Drums are set to and then assign the kit pieces of SD3 or whatever host you are using to those notes.
I agree though that it is a very complicated procedure at first and I've never even attempted a drum map or messing with the ACT stuff. I just find the MIDI note numbers and set my pK to follow them. Considering how much the V-Drums cost I'd imagine you could call support and get some step by step guidance there or call Cakewalk tech support and see if they can explain it to you in plain english. If you are new to all this SD3 is kind of a good drum program to start with to learn the basics because it's a little simpler to use than other programs. Wish I could help you more but as I said... I found a way that works for me which is manipulating my hardware and just kind of bailed on the idea of screwing around within Sonar to do this type of thing. Cheers.