In terms of sonic realism, the better sampled drums do just fine. In fact, very often when you hear what you think are "real" drums on commercial recordings you're actually hearing drum replacement.
As you've observed, though, cymbals are the weakest class of instruments in that regard. Some home recordists actually use physical cymbals layered over sampled drums for that reason. Just buying a hi-hat and playing it manually adds a great deal of realism to programmed drums.
Where realism suffers is not with the recorded sounds but rather with the performance. I am convinced that it's just not possible to program a MIDI drum track that sounds believable. At least, I've never been able to do it, and I've tried really hard.
Best solution, IMO, is a live drummer playing an electronic kit and recording it as MIDI rather than audio.