Hi
You ask a lot of questions there, but, let's deal with the main one.
Firstly, what driver mode are you using with Sonar? Ideally you would be best using the ASIO drivers. Go into preferences and check your mode.
If you are using ASIO aready, open the control panel for your fast track and reduce the buffer size to something that gives you a round trip latency LESS than 10ms. Alternatively If you are using WDM drivers <which is also fine> slide the slider in Preferences to give you a round trip latency LESS than 10ms.
This should mow give you a playable drum kit. That SHOULD be all you need to do to get the latency low enough to play. It's definitely low enough for my Roland kit.
OK,
The next problem,many a little more tricky is to get it sounding right.
Off the top of my head I don't know what midi note triggers the kit pieces in Session Drummer, the help file for session drummer should help you here. however, that is the problem you have, your DM8 is transmitting a different note to what session drummer recognises as a hi Tom. Once you find out the midi note require for session drummer to to play a hi Tom, you need to change the note in your DM8 brain. Use your owners manual to do this.
Personally I don't ever uses session drummer for MY drum sounds I use 3rd party software, but, I have had to Map my whole drum brain of my Roland to the drum notes of the software I am using. This is now saved as a preset in my drum brain so I can call it up every time I need it. Most drum software uses different midi notes for their kit pieces. So if you are to change to a third party program it is something you will quite likely have to do again.
I hope that helps get you going.
EDIT I just noticed I quoted swamptooths sound card, what sound interface are you using? If you don't have a dedicated sound card you are going to struggle getting your latency down low enough to play your drums.
The alternative is to Download ASIO4ALL it will allow you to use your existing onboard sound card and get it down to acceptible latency.