Vsti's like BFD2 have a dynamics control on every kit piece which I use for general contour shaping, then do the rest inside Sonar

You can also use a compressor to shape the attack - the Sonitus is perfect for this sort of job - just play around with the attack, threshold & ratio

Thanks, guys.  I will try your suggestions.  I learn something great on this forum every day thank to my buddies here.

(The kick in question was Session Drummer 3.  I have several add-on packs for it but cannot always find the perfect kick.)

Here is the project in question with one warning: this is not CD-ready by any means--just a working mix for the purposes of arranging.  I have EQed the kick a bit but it still hits too hard in some common listening environments, like car stereos.  I have tried dropping the level, but that doesn't sound right: it needs the four-on-the-floor bottom.  There are 65 tracks on this song and you will see that the mix could be complicated.  When it gets to the first chorus and beyond you will see what I mean.

Yours truly, The Mighty Konrad, is the writter and performer here with some female back-up vocals from Behka.

http://soundcloud.com/bill-hartmann/bambicide-test-mix

love the lyrics bill.  nice little rhythm going on there. :D

Queue the bull whips. Very Ghost riders-esque!

Maybe a kick beater made of deer?

I don't know how  in details you're using the drum VST/MIDI beats, but in search for less "hitting" kick some have found help in lowering velocity and increasing volume. This way the sample used is more tame.

You need to slow the attack (raise it), and probably extend the decay. Use the tools already mentioned, OR... Why not sidechain? That should fit it nicely with your bass guitar. Do the following: 1. Add a new stereo bus 2. In the prochannel for the new bus add in the compressor (not the main one, you need to switch to the second one PC4K, by right clicking and replacing it). 3. Turn on side-chain on the prochannel compressor. Basic starting settings as follow: 4:1, ~.4 attack ~.3 release, 30 threshold, +6 output. 4. Now clone your bassline or kick track (experiment with what works best) 5. On the cloned track set the output to the bus compressor sidechain input 6. Now on your original kick or bassline track (or both, seriously experiment here) set the output to your new stereo bus. That will give a nice pumping feel and fit the two instruments together perfectly rhythmically. You can change the amount of effect by messing with the HPF and cloned channel volume/eq settings. Almost every modern song has some sidechaining going on, especially dance music which goes overly crazy with it.

apply a very short reverb, and back off the dry until you get the push you're looking for.

Thanks for the comments and for the suggestions, guys!

I second the transient shaping idea. Set it so it applies a quick fade in on each hit, you'll have to mess with timing but you can essentially remove the sound of the beater hitting the drum and just be left with the subsequent 'boom.'