Howdy all.  I'm pretty new to songwriting still and I'm not sure if this chorus works.  
 
I was going for a dark, sludgy kind of thing to start, then want to let the verses build to a brighter, happier chorus.
So my question is does this chorus work, or is it 'too happy' for the rest of the track?
 
I have also listened to this song about 8 million times and have no idea if the mix is working, so any comments on that would be great as well.
 
https://soundcloud.com/cy...arkness-falling-down-2
 
new version here (wee changes to biggify pesky choruses)  https://soundcloud.com/cy...arkness-falling-down-3
 
Thanks a bunch!

"Happy"?? 
Huh?
Didn't sound happy to me. Didn't sound like a chorus either.  
It's really not my thang but I think it sounded good for that genre.
You have a voice that's working on being great.
 

Well hell.  If that doesn't sound like a chorus, I"m in bigger trouble than I thought!

sven450
 is it 'too happy' for the rest of the track?

 
No It does sound like an extension of the verse or a pre-chorus, but it works perfectly well for the song.
 
Agree with Tim, you have a makings of a tremendous voice, keep at it.

I love your voice, its coming onto a Chris Cornell sound!
 
It is quite hard to make out here what the actual chorus is and where. Im guessing that it was the section with the more melodic chords etc. I loved it, but then I like more sweet sounding stuff, it just needs a differentiation, a quickfix would be the addition of a higher harmony and maybe add another guitar at a higher octave and.... maybe even a running hihat to help it stand out??!!
 
it started out average but I was loving this track by the end.
 
Cian

Funny:  I really thought that the chorus was really "chorus-y"!  FYI, the chorus is at around 1:10 "as the night keeps spinning round...."  but I guess if I have to tell you that, its a bad sign....
 
There are vocal harmonies in there (I guess way too buried), and an additional "chime-y" guitar, but again, I guess I just buried them too much.
 
Thanks for the feedback, and the compliments. I really appreciate all of it!  I guess I'll go and try to chorusify* my song.
 
*new word of the day

Listening again I can hear a line trying to be a chorus as the tonality goes major. But, as is, it is just 2 lines in the song. 
Maybe build into it by repeating the "when you said" like 2 or 3 times rythmically  (shorter notes though).
And at least double the length of the "chorus". I say this cause you want a "chorus" which by definition is more of a sing-a-long type thingy.
 
I wouldn't get hung up on whether it sounds chorusy or not though except for maybe educational benefits. It is what it is.
 

sven450
 I guess I'll go and try to chorusify* my song.
 
*new word of the day

I would try the opposite - make your verses more verse-y, strip some guitars out (or use cleaner sounds) and have them more sparse, so the chorus kicks in with power.

Actually, I like this song as is because it's NOT formulaic.  You had the vision to do it in a manner that's not the usual way, for many people.  It does remind me somewhat of Soundgarden or Chris Cornell, and they made a good living at breaking the mold.  I'd turn the vocal up a notch or two because your voice is the highlight of this song, though the instrumentation is quite good, too.  I do admire people who break a few rules from time to time.

though I understand what Lynn is saying (leave it as it is, because it is great - and it IS indeed great song like it is already) I think James' idea is the best. The verse, and especially the bridge could use a little less power so the chorus blooms in the way it deserves!