This feedback is great.  Like many of you I live in a music bubble, with no one to bounce with.  
 
Lynn:  Thanks. I was going for a somewhat unpredictable thing, but I still wanted there to be a clear chorus that was larger and tonally brighter.  
James and Whack:  Thnks.  James, your idea to strip down the verse a bit is dead on.  I think I may give this a go.
Timidi:  Thanks for the insights. I think you got me listening like I hadn't heard it 100 times before, and that ain't easy!
Speedtom:  You nailed it with the phrase "chorus blooms in the way it deserves".  That is exactly what I am going for with the way the verses build to the chorus.  I think I just built the "prechorus" up too much, and left no where to go for the actual chorus.
 
You all rock.
 
 
 

Yup at 1:10 is where I thought the chorus was.
 
I agree with timidi that the chorus definitely should be doubled in length.
 
Tom also nailed it too and rather than trying to stack more on the chorus it is equally effective to take something out of the verses which at the moment sound to have full open  strummed chords like a chorus usually has.
 
Lynn, I totally get where your coming from too, breaking the rules is what music is about, but certainly the chorus needs more impact & dynamic relative to the rest of the song.
 
Ill defo have a listen to the next edition if there is one.
 
Cian

Timidi has a point:
"I wouldn't get hung up on whether it sounds chorusy or not though except for maybe educational benefits. It is what it is."
 
It sounds great and fits in the song really nice. Call it a B-part or whatever. It doesn't matter as long as it sounds good. Nice voice you have there!

Really liked the guitars a  lot. I noticed a change where I thought the chorus was coming in. Though, it was subtle. Enjoyed the song very much.

I too thought the "chorus" was there at 1:10 ish... I didn't really hear it repeat further along....although it might have. I'd need to listen and become familiar with the song to pick that out.
 
I like the song...and think it works for that genre as unstructured as it seems to be. Of course, some genre's are more prone to needing to comply with structure standards.... country for example and classic rock.
 
As I see things (through my country colored glasses) a chorus should have a melody that is noticeably different from the verses and it should also have a rise in energy and note range as well.  If the verses are busy, you make the chorus a bit more laid back and vice versa. I also feel that a listener should be able to know and understand from listening, that they are in a verse or in a chorus at any given point in the song. It was pretty much impossible for me to determine this in your song.... I kept trying to figure it out.... I did pick up the change at 1:10 and thought OK... chorus.... but then I got "lost" again.
 
Don't beat yourself up over this issue. These are just the way I see things in song structure. My songs tend to be very structured. You should always know where you are when listening to something I wrote. That may be good or bad, but it's how I write.

Man you got a great voice! I think your voice should come out front more but no necessarily centered. For the chorus all I can add to what's been said is to bring out what you are saying by making it more noticeable. The music had me at first listen but I lost the lyrics. I didn't catch the change in the line you were singing. Anyway, I loved it.  Thanks for posting this!

Hey I like this one!  I am in agreement with Lynn on this one.  I like it when rules and convention are tweeked a bit.  Guess that is why I liked the early electric Blues, early R&R, and early Punk.  I enjoyed this number and ya, I agree, your vocals are very good!!

Funny story:  You guys are all really awesome in your compliments about the singing.  I, on the other hand, was about to scrap the whole thing because I couldn't get it the way I wanted.  The vocal track on this song is actually the scratch track that I recorded with an sm58 sitting at my computer with the monitors blaring two feet away.
 
Afterwards, I kept trying to re-record the vox with my "real" mic and preamp, and I just couldn't get it.  I ended up just keeping the scratch track and doing a lot of slip editing to get rid of all the bleed from the monitors.  From there it was lots of eq and compression and all that jazz.  Just cracks me up that the BS take of me sitting there in my jammies with a beer in one hand belting in front of the cranked monitors actually is what works in the song.  Weird.
 
BTW, and took the totally disparate advice of everyone, and mainly went with the "if it works don't overthink it" idea.  I did make some little changes to the two choruses to "biggify" them a wee bit.  It is subtle, but just maybe it will help people find those pesky choruses (now easily located at 1:10 and 2:29!!)  
 
https://soundcloud.com/cy...arkness-falling-down-3
 
Thanks again everyone.
 
 

sven450
Funny story:  You guys are all really awesome in your compliments about the singing.  I, on the other hand, was about to scrap the whole thing because I couldn't get it the way I wanted.  The vocal track on this song is actually the scratch track that I recorded with an sm58 sitting at my computer with the monitors blaring two feet away.
 
Afterwards, I kept trying to re-record the vox with my "real" mic and preamp, and I just couldn't get it.  I ended up just keeping the scratch track and doing a lot of slip editing to get rid of all the bleed from the monitors.  From there it was lots of eq and compression and all that jazz.  Just cracks me up that the BS take of me sitting there in my jammies with a beer in one hand belting in front of the cranked monitors actually is what works in the song.  Weird.
 
BTW, and took the totally disparate advice of everyone, and mainly went with the "if it works don't overthink it" idea.  I did make some little changes to the two choruses to "biggify" them a wee bit.  It is subtle, but just maybe it will help people find those pesky choruses (now easily located at 1:10 and 2:29!!)  
 
https://soundcloud.com/cy...arkness-falling-down-3
 
Thanks again everyone.
 
 

hehe, what a story. Maybe I should try this method of singing, too!
 
I will listen to the new version later, for I am at work right now. Looking forward to it!

Very powerful vocal, you have a great voice.  I think the mix is good too.
 
This is not my genre, at all okay, but I liked the chorus as well.  It is a musical shift from the other parts of the song, but you already knew that.  Good luck with this.