Hey guys and Gals,
 
Can you help me out and give me your most honest feedback about this Christmas song I wrote back in 2009.  I have been sitting on the fence about this song for a long time.  First off, it's extremely somber.  It's not a happy Christmas song at all and it's sort of preachy.  Second, it's an obvious John Lennon rip off.  But y'know, if you're gonna rip off somebody it might as well be John Lennon.  Third, my Wife hates it but I think that may be because it reminds her of some bad times we went through.  And what does she know about music anyway?  Lol.
 
So before I go plastering this song all over the internet, could you kind people give me your most brutal and honest criticism?  I would really appreciate it.  The "horn" thing in the middle is supposed to sound sort of like a Salvation Army band.  And I was thinking of putting some jingle bells in there somewhere.  But since it sounds like a funeral dirge I'm not sure if bells would be appropriate.  Hahaha.
 
And I put (Challenge) in the header for this because of Herb's idea to post Christmas songs.  But I don't know if this applies to that because the song is 4 years old.  But, I never posted it here at the Cakewalk forum.  Mainly, for all the reasons stated above. Again, I'm not fishing for compliments here. If you like it, that's great, let me know.  But if you don't like it, please be honest and let me know why.  I really need the help on this one.  I don't want to bum all my friends out for Christmas.
 
 
Old Mix:  https://soundcloud.com/dedicatedlight/christmas
 
New Mix: https://soundcloud.com/dedicatedlight/christmas-salvation-army
 
Thanks in advance for your help,
Don

Hi Don,
 
It could benefit from some loosening up..that is to say, everything sounds very precise, martial almost, and bang on the beat..drums, bass, piano, strings..consequently, I think, your vocal has followed the same rigid pattern. If you could re-record it and get it to swing a little better, you'd have a nice, acerbic Christmas song in the style of The Verve (your vocal reminded me of Richard Ashcroft)

I see exactly what you're saying James.  It's very rigid and almost formulaic.  It's literally a dirge.  Maybe I'll try a different drum beat and perhaps speed it up a little and try to make it swing like you said.  I think that's a great suggestion!
 
Acerbic?  Absolutely!!!  I actually had to look up the word in the dictionary.  It fits me completely.  Sardonic, sarcastic, sharp and forthright. That is me to a "T". :-)  Thanks for the Richard Ashcroft comparison,  I like him and The Verve very much.
 
 
I really appreciate your honesty.  Thanks James!! 

I guess what I'm asking is this;  Do you think I should play this for all of my friends and post it on my FB page as it is?  Or should I make it better and wait till next Christmas?  Or, should I scrap it completely?  Don't hold any punches.  My Wife has already been brutally honest with me.  :-)

Well, based on the responses, or lack thereof, I think i'm gonna hold off on pushing this song on my friends and family. The song is a bit of a bummer & I think Christmas songs should be happy or at least sentimental. This song is just plain preachy.

Well, I have to agree with James. The song seem so rigid and not loose. I like the lyrics about peace on earth and all that, but it seems like the music is in a box and your trying to get out. Again, I think if you keep the concept and just play some free flowing music and loose the rigid factor and maybe even do a guitar riff about 2/3 the way through might help it out. Also, the Salvation Army Band music could be brought down a bit and used for the background music behind the rest of the song. If you play around with your tracks and add a few new ones you might get a better Christmas feeling to this song.
 
Peace and Blessings, John

Hey Don - I do agree with the previous posts (i.e. it should loosen up a bit)...having said that, I really like your voice, and the song has a nice melody. There's a bit of a juxtaposition between lyrics & voice though: the lyrics are (or at least seem) positive etc, but the vocal delivery is quite somber. Not a real issue in my view though...in fact, it makes it more interesting. 
 
In terms of loosening it up. indeed the drum beat, but in combination with the electric piano...their synch is too perfect...you may not even need to change the drum, but instead focus on making the electric piano less "staccato"/on the beat. 
 
Overall, I enjoyed listening to the song!

Hey Don - I do agree with the previous posts (i.e. it should loosen up a bit)...having said that, I really like your voice, and the song has a nice melody. There's a bit of a juxtaposition between lyrics & voice though: the lyrics are (or at least seem) positive etc, but the vocal delivery is quite somber. Not a real issue in my view though...in fact, it makes it more interesting. 
 
In terms of loosening it up. indeed the drum beat, but in combination with the electric piano...their synch is too perfect...you may not even need to change the drum, but instead focus on making the electric piano less "staccato"/on the beat. 
 
Overall, I enjoyed listening to the song!

Ralph,
 
I like the song.   Sad songs about Christmas are more common than most think.  Perhaps sentimental is a better word.
 
I agree that the song sounds rigid. Fix that and this song is fine in my book.  I don't know the verve... so I can't comment on that aspect.  The flute in the center part had space between the notes... like it was played on keyboard with midi synth.... the trick there is to listen to real flute players and emulate their playing style as close as possible.
 
Since it looks like you might not "release this yet" perhaps think about doing a rewrite of it... fix the lyrics that bug you, and rework the music and loosen it up to make it flow better.

I really appreciate all of your honest comments!  Like I said, I have been sitting on the fence about this song for 4 years.  I never even posted it here at the Sonar forum because I was so uncertain about it.  I would have liked to "release" , or share this song right away with my friends and family because it is Christmastime.  But I've waited long enough and it can wait longer.  
 
I think you all hit the nail right on the head.  And if I'm going to share a song about Christmas, and the true meaning of Christmas, I want it to be the absolute best it can be.  I think all of the suggestions you gave are good ones.  Loosening up the drums, integrating the horns more subtly (maybe even as a loop?), putting a little guitar lick in and rewriting some of the lyrics and the many other great suggestions are sincerely appreciated!!
 
I also appreciate the fact that most of you "like" the song but think it needs work.  100% agreed!!  3Dmus, thank you for the compliments on my singing!!  I am extremely self-conscious about my vocals but comments like yours and James' really help me with my confidence a lot, so thanks!!  I can't wait to share the "improved" version with you all.  The way I work, it might not be till next Christmas though.  Thanks again guys!!!
 
Don