Hi all, I've been happily working in X3 since it came out, and here is the fruit of my labor.  This is a prequel to a song I wrote several years ago about a young girl, abandoned by her mother, that grows up with a good life in spite of all she had to overcome.  In this song, I go back in time to tell the circumstances of her mother's struggle with raising two young children by herself.  This whole story has a basis in real life, being about people I know well.  I welcome your comments and advice, and I thank all of you in advance.  I hope you enjoy.
 
UPDATE 10/30: Here is the same song with an alternative drum pattern, as was suggested by several people.
It can be found here: http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=12553180&q=hi
 
The lyrics are here:
 
She works all day while her kids are in school
So she can pay her bills
Her "brother" comes over every night because he's
Always looking for thrills
  And it gets complicated
  Because they're not related
  Her kids are getting older
  Their questions getting bolder
 
CHORUS:  But, answers don't fall from the sky
                  The answers don't fall from the sky
 
She'd like to travel and see other places
Cause she's never been anywhere
Every morning there a  bus going South
And, she would dearly love to be there
  But, she can't run away
  She feels compelled to stay
  Her kids are getting older
  Their questions getting bolder
 
CHORUS
 
BRIDGE:      Sometimes she's so frustrated she starts to cry
                  Some love is overrated, she wonders why
                  She's in the grip of something she can't control
                  Afraid she'll be left with nothing, deep in the hole
 
Her little girl's coming down with the flu
So she has to stay home from work
She'd pay her "brother" to sit with her girl
If he wasn't such a jerk
  When she looks back on this
  There's things that she won't miss
  Her kids are getting older
  Their questions getting bolder
 
CHORUS

cool tune.... original sounding.... I like it.

Hey Lynn, I love the trippy synth lead sound at the very beginning of the song, but it never comes back again!  There's a "sort of similar" part from about 1:05 to 1:20, and again from 2:10 to 2:25, but those have totally different sustain.  Did the FX get lost in the mixdown?  Or are they just different parts?
 
The songwriting seems very personal on this one.  I always find those kinds of things hard to write about, so my hat's off to your great effort here.  Some clever lyrics too.  Nice!
 
Personally I don't love the shuffle beat you're using on the bridge and chorus parts, but it is similar to other songs you've done in the past so we will have to agree to disagree on that point. ;)  I do really like the straight beat you've got going during the intro and verses.  It has more punch to it than the shuffle beat, IMO.
 
Great work Lynn!

You have got a very interesting sounding song going on here Lynn.  Great lyrics and I really like that bass line that you have throughout the song.  It sounds as if the experience in this song is all too common with too many families.
Nice one!

Guitarhacker
cool tune.... original sounding.... I like it.

Waltenstein Studios
Hey Lynn, I love the trippy synth lead sound at the very beginning of the song, but it never comes back again!  There's a "sort of similar" part from about 1:05 to 1:20, and again from 2:10 to 2:25, but those have totally different sustain.  Did the FX get lost in the mixdown?  Or are they just different parts?
 
The songwriting seems very personal on this one.  I always find those kinds of things hard to write about, so my hat's off to your great effort here.  Some clever lyrics too.  Nice!
 
Personally I don't love the shuffle beat you're using on the bridge and chorus parts, but it is similar to other songs you've done in the past so we will have to agree to disagree on that point. ;)  I do really like the straight beat you've got going during the intro and verses.  It has more punch to it than the shuffle beat, IMO.
 
Great work Lynn!

Freddy J
You have got a very interesting sounding song going on here Lynn.  Great lyrics and I really like that bass line that you have throughout the song.  It sounds as if the experience in this song is all too common with too many families.
Nice one!

Herb, thanks for your kind comments.  I'm happy you like it!

Walt, I enjoy reading your responses to my  songs because I can tell you really listen carefully.  As for the synth in the intro, it's exactly the same as the others you pointed out.  I just chose to play different patterns so as not to be overly  redundant.  I was going to throw in some guitar licks there, but I cut the index finger of my left hand about two months ago, so I'm still waiting for it to heal, and I chose to let those synth parts stand.  I'm using the shuffle beat more often because for years I mainly used straight beats in my songs due to lack of programming skills for drumming.  I must be careful not to overdo it!
 
Freddy, thanks for weighing in and your generous reply.  Keep up your own good work!

Another good one from Lynn! I really like the guitar interplay and the double tracking on the vocal in parts. I think the mix is very cool and interesting. It has a very 80's vibe in the beginning (in a good way), but by the end I wouldn't be able to put that label on it. Good lyrics too! Great job.

Lynn
I was going to throw in some guitar licks there, but I cut the index finger of my left hand about two months ago, so I'm still waiting for it to heal, and I chose to let those synth parts stand.

I hope you're back in guitar form soon Lynn!  Two months is a long while to be nursing a wound.  I'm sure you're getting impatient.  Get well soon. :)

Nice one.  Almost sounds like a cool Cars tune at the start!  Nice job.

Not my favorite from you, but it has its moments. I don't like when the drums are doing that thing that sounds like a marching band (on the snare) and there's an organ there too that doesn't seem to fit (to me).
 
May could ease off of the limiter a bit? I don't see the wave but as I was backing down the volume when it started, I had to rip the buds out of my ears :-( So it may be mixed up a little hot? 
 
Sorry, I'd like to say only good things all of the time, I mean no disrespect. Without Hell, there can be no Heaven, so I'll polish up my halo for the next one :-)

Well Lynn, were all suppose to be honest in here and so, that being said, I was pretty confused with this one, especially musically trying to tell a mothers story about raising a couple of children. This was kind of funky monkey for that kind of story (IMO), but then you know what you are trying to capture and most likely why. Also, at times the vocals seem off, but I can't put my finger on it. It really didn't hold my attention, but because you did it I listened to the whole song. It also seemed to sound a bit like it had a vibe of another song you did going on, but wasn't no where as good as that other song. I don't know, I'm sure you will give this several looks and work before it's finished, so I'll just wait until it's done and give it another listen. Just my own thoughts based on your other work.
 
Peace and Blessings, John