Nice funky riff.  I like the vocal effects, too.  Mostly nice story-telling.  Really like the odd bits that really add some texture - like the organ about 3:00 in. 
 
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@ Clint- thanks for the kind comments.  I appreciate your remarks on the mix!
 
@ Walt- thanks again for your reply.  Yes, I'm getting a bit impatient because I am so ready to jump into X3.  Hopefully, in a week or two I'll be back on guitar.
 
@Sven- What a nice compliment.  I love the Cars!
 
@Robbie- Well, I'm sorry this doesn 't work for you.  I, in fact, think it's one of the better songs I've written in a while.  I did my share of love songs over the last two years, and now, I'm starting to tell some of the stories of my life.  As I said above, I'm just starting to play catch up on some of the shuffle rhythms that I've avoided over the years.  Perhaps, I've gone overboard and will apply this lesson to newer material.  I did master this to be approximately as loud as some commercial CDs, but not in the Metallica range.  You do bring up a good point, and I will rethink this as I move forward.  I always appreciate your comments and honesty!
 
@John- as you pointed out, this is a part of a bigger story.  I wrote a song about a 10 year old girl and her 5 year old brother whose mother ran away to California with "uncle" Jim, and were left in the care of a 69 year old woman that wasn't even related to them.  Both kids overcome their struggles and grow up successfully.  This song is about the stresses on the mother before she ran away from her kids, a prequel, of sorts.  Perhaps I wiill complete the "trilogy" someday.  I may put up the original song so you have something to connect this song to.
 
@AT- If anybody knows about funky riffs, it's you.  I just love your latest song!  I'm happy that you understand why I put the organ in near the middle of the song.  Texture is exactly what I was going for.
 
 
 
 

Sounds great, Lynn. Always enjoy your songs.

Hey Lynn!
 
Nice tune, really like the retro blend of sounds. You've got several eras well-represented in this song. Mix sounds well done.I love that each instrument is sort of doing its own thing and blends together into a unified whole. I too wasn't enamored with the shuffle beat, but after a few listens, I don't see that as a huge problem. What is missing, for me, is the shuffle never drives to a beat that releases the tension into the chorus, only back into the verse. There is a build up that only teases...
 
Nice job overall and the lyrics really tell a story.
 
Regards,
Dan
 

@Chas- As I do yours.  Thanks for dropping by.
 
@Dan- I grok your point exactly.  You laid out your POV perfectly, and I agree.  I will make a change that may satisfy a few suggestions.  This is why I love this forum, especially since I work alone and have little outside input. 

Lynn - this is such a trip. I was totally entertained by this. Perfect.

@Mark- Your words are a breath of fresh air.  I'm going to make an adjustment to the drum part just to hear how it sounds, but I'm not touching anything else, for now.  Thanks for taking the time.

Drums sound better Lynn.

Hey Lynn, I like what you've done with the drums in the chorus.  I think changing the beat there makes sense musically and lets your vocal refrain have some more space.  That being said, it's your song!  Don't lose touch with your own artistic vision, even if others (including me sometimes) disagree.

Real Nice Lynn.