I'll have you know that the 8-track still mostly works. The Fool for the City tape is pretty well shot, but the deck still works if you hit it a couple of times with this tire iron.
Still has the original seats, too. Granted, I have to get a tetanus booster pretty regular. For the squeamish passengers who whine a bit about getting jabbed when they sit down, I keep some old oil rags on the dashboard to sop up any unwanted bloodstains. No, your window crank don't work. Just yank on the window. If it starts to rain, you might have to hold it up. What do you mean, seat belts? What do you think this is, a Lear Jet?
What noise? Oh, that thud? Why, that's just Skeeter. He likes to ride in the back. I don't rightly know why. All I know is that he very rarely falls through that rusted out section behind the left wheel well anymore.
What in tarnation are you doing? Get your hands off of them controls! Do you have a death wish, son? I put in that air conditioner myself back in '78. Granted, we've lost a few due to the toxic fumes, but if you know what you're doing, you can get a cool breeze without any permanent damage. Also, I have a bologna sandwich in there and I ain't ready to cook it just yet.
Ok, listen. We're coming up on a left turn. You need to hold on the dashboard for a bit. Your door don't shut quite as tight as it used to. If you ain't paying attention, you'll shoot right outta there before you know what happened. Take some of this here duct tape and kinda strap yourself in.
You know, I probably should have mentioned the snakes. Skeeter likes to keep them behind the bench seat. Sometimes, they get a little friendly. I got some anti-venom and WD-40 in the glove compartment.
Where are you going? Didn't you hear what I said about the left turn? Skeeter, do you mind jumping down and pulling him off of that cactus? Now, does your fancy electro-nuclear-future car come with a guy who can pull thorns outta your hide? I didn't think so. Stop your whining. I'll get the WD-40.