First of all, it wasn't my fault. At least, soon it won't have always been completely my fault yet.
You know those little blue lights next to that big red lever? If you're not supposed to pull that thing, then why would they put all of those lights near it to attract your attention? If you ask me, it's a design flaw. Anyway, there was nothing to indicate that something bad might happen. Sure, I had to cut through the diamond case around the lever to get to it, turn off that annoying alarm, and accept the Terms and Conditions of the Inexcusable Stupidity clause...Oh, right. That may have been a clue.
Anyway, I had no idea that the Earth would fall out of time like that. Explode? Sure, that was a possibility. Collapse into a singularity? The odds were pretty good on that one. Drop out of time? Now, how was I supposed to know?
The problem with falling out of time is that everything happens at once and not at all. It's very messy. If you thought the food at Chet's Chili and Bait truck was bad in linear time, you do not want to see its future splattered all over the kitchen. Soon, I would always have been just sayin'... Governments rose, fell, ate all the Cheetos, and fought over the remote. As noisy and obnoxious as they are, it's usually best to ignore them. The FSF seemed oddly unchanged. Sentient lunchmeat posed a bit of a problem, though. Before you ask, I let that sliced turkey sandwich win that fight and yes, it did hurt. Now that it's safely out of earshot, I can say that it hits like a tuna on whole grain toast. Also, I had something in my eye.
I couldn't very well call for help, because, let's face it, the wait is like forever. At least, it is when you don't have linear time. Also, the hold music is nothing but Yanni, Kenny G, Air Supply, and William Shatner. Yes, they're all playing at once and the songs never end. It's a little like a high school jazz band. I had to make a few adjustments. Some things were, unfortunately, lost in the timeless wastes like the Creamy French Revolution, King Kevin Becan, the six minute work week, and cheese teleportation. I did manage to get back Waterworld, though. You're welcome. Yeah, I know.
In the end, I think I got things pretty close. I mean, I got you within a second, right? Granted, the music industry is still on life support, but there really wasn't much I could do about that. I think that the important thing to remember here is that no one has any memory or concrete evidence of what happened, so I don't think anyone will have noticed.
Does anyone else hear sirens?