No idea if these actually came from the Captain, but in any case, here are...
Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing
 
1. Listen to the birds. 
That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.
2. Your guitar is not really a guitar. Your guitar is a divining rod. 
Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
3. Practice in front of a bush. 
Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.
4. Walk with the devil. 
Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.
5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out. 
If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.
6. Never point your guitar at anyone. 
Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.
7. Always carry a church key. 
That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.
8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument. 
You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.
9. Keep your guitar in a dark place.
When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.
10. You gotta have a hood for your engine. 
Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.
 
source: http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2009/03/captain-beefhearts-10-commandments-of-guitar-playing.html
 

Wow! It's like someone turned on the lights! This explains everything

Trust Don...he knows.

I wonder if Gary More broke any of those commandments here?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P8NejwA4fk

Don Van Vliet sure knew how to use the GTR's in his band:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XF177Aj59C8

Mesh
I wonder if Gary More broke any of those commandments here?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P8NejwA4fk

I still think that the best thing that Gary Moore ever did was the very first album ... Stepping Stone. Side two non stop is massive, and the very best (and insane!) guitar solo ever!
 
You can have those blues this and that! But some rock things are priceless!
 
BTW, I'm reading Barry Miles book on Frank Zappa ... hmmmm ... not sure I want to review it, but it's otherwise OK, although I am not sure the facts are clean or sometimes incomplete. But there is a lot about Don/Capt in there. Like he can't read, or even read music?
 
That should throw a bone at folks here!

I wish I could read. Then I'd understand this fred.

Moshkito
But there is a lot about Don/Capt in there. Like he can't read, or even read music?

 
I bet he could use  a DAW though...

jamesg1213

Moshkito
But there is a lot about Don/Capt in there. Like he can't read, or even read music?

 
I bet he could use  a DAW though...

Biting

I had no idea he was a guitarist, I thought he was just an overbearing, control freak, dictator/genus. I do like Trout Mask Replica but since learning of the way he treated the band members during it's conception, it has changed me a bit in regard to the record. He was a true ARSE if half of what they say is true.
From somewhere else:
 
While appearing humorous and kind-hearted in public, by all accounts Van Vliet was a severe taskmaster who abused his musicians verbally and sometimes physically. Vliet once told drummer John French he had been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and thus he would see inexistent conspiracies that explained this behaviour.[132] The band were reportedly paid little or nothing. French recalled that the musicians' contract with Van Vliet's company stipulated that Van Vliet and the managers were paid from gross proceeds before expenses, then expenses were paid, then the band members evenly split any remaining funds—in effect making band members liable for all expenses. As a result French was paid nothing at all for a 33-city US tour in 1971 and a total of $78 for a tour of Europe and the US in late 1975. In his 2010 memoir Beefheart: Through The Eyes of Magic French recounted being "...screamed at, beaten up, drugged, ridiculed, humiliated, arrested, starved, stolen from, and thrown down a half-flight of stairs by his employer".[133]
The musicians also resented Van Vliet for taking complete credit for composition and arranging when the musicians themselves pieced together most of the songs from taped fragments or impressionistic directions such as "Play it like a bat being dragged out of oil and it's trying to survive, but it's dying from asphyxiation."[134] John French summarized the disagreement over composing and arranging credits metaphorically:[135]

If Van Vliet built a house like he wrote music, the methodology would go something like this... The house is sketched on the back of a Denny's placemat in such an odd fashion that when he presents it to the contractor without plans or research, the contractor says "This structure is going to be hard to build, it's going to be tough to make it safe and stable because it is so unique in design." Van Vliet then yells at the contractor and intimidates him into doing the job anyway. The contractor builds the home, figuring out all the intricacies involved in structural integrity himself because whenever he approaches Van Vliet, he finds that he seems completely unable to comprehend technical problems and just yells, "Quit asking me about this stuff and build the damned house."... When the house is finished no one gets paid, and Van Vliet has a housewarming party, invites none of the builders and tells the guests he built the whole thing himself.