Rain
I can't remember which author, in his biography, said something along the lines of "I wasn't sure I was a writer but I was sure I was nothing else."
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Heck, you can always go back to washing dishes in a restaurant ... no thanks!
Rain
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I still think of myself as a nobody, but she refers to me as a "musician" and a "composer" - actually, that potential gig, like all the rest, came through her because she has all the connexions.
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I am lucky that we don't depend on my skills for a living, because there'd be a heck of a lot more pressure. Still, I can't help but feel something like vertigo when I think of having to come up with music, something very specific, for an exact duration, and basically on command. I've done it a few times in my late 20's and 30's but, I guess I had a bit more arrogance, and I dove head first.
From a directing standpoint, the best performance I ever had from one of my actors, was a girl that had never been on stage, and she stole the show ... she was nervous before she went on, and I pulled her aside as she was pointing to the audience. I looked at her eyes ... do you know your lines (yes), do you know who you are saying them to?(yes), do you know where you are going on the stage? (yes) ... what's the problem? She pointed out ... so I asked ... where is the story and what you are doing? On the stage. BINGO ... you win a million! The only thing you have to remember is that you might have to pause a few seconds to give the audience their do, but I say ... go as you feel ... the English comedy does not allow you a breather, so why should you, but that part is about your comfort zone (this had all been discussed before in rehearsal when I would interrupt with a vaccum cleaner, with a cat, a dog, anything I could get my hands on!) ... and that was that.
So she gets on stage and does her thing, and we had this huge world map, an oldie from the UCSB library (10ft high!) and the top side starts to come off when it comes to her time to touch where she wants to be born, and completely covers her. She grabs it and starts walking to the guy interviewing her and asks what to do with this ... does it mean I failed my test? ... it was sheer perfection on the stage for the moment and the preparation and work on the script.
My take is ... the rehearsals have to be good. And I mean good with no interruptions or anything that can be distracting. Then, when you are confident of the material and have adjusted the wording (notes/music!) to the person you are with, sometimes she is short of breath and you have to give it to her! When you and her can do these very minor adjustments (create them in rehearsal, by anticipating some bits and pieces at the toughest parts), are comfortable with the "communication" on the stage, then it won't matter what happens on the first night ... your jitters will be gone by the first note ... you are "communicating" with her ... you are acting out a scene with her! ... you do not have time, place or anything else about anything ... this is your true and pure process ... and your only "clue".
One of the worst things in rock music is moments like these and guitarists get mad that their solo was ruined when in fact they are not the ones that adjusted, when the singer had to let out a slight sneeze and catch his/her breath ... you know right away who the artist is NOT!
You decide.
It's about what you do in rehearsal, and it's not just the notes and your music! You have to see a bigger picture, and when you play, you concentrate on your part of that picture ... all else does not exist!
The rest as they say ... break a leg ... but I can tell you I have never had a failure in directing! It's about the actor/actresses and their ability to make the music move ... ooppps ... the words! There is no difference, Rain!