I have to agree with James, it has lots of interesting stuff going on, but the mix is pretty flat. More dynamic action would be in following with the theme. There's not much brightness, especially in the guitar parts. These could really sing if you give them a little air. The guitarwork is good, but sounds confined in the mix.
I definitely like some of the ideas you have going.
If this were mine, I'd turn it over to James in a heartbeat, given that offer.
This has unreleased potential to knock our socks off.