I just need feedback on this track, written a while ago, had 80% done a full production version of it, but done a solo take the other day and liked the mood of it. About 75 % of the original take was used here and I used some overdubs in places.

There's a passionate vocal here I reckon for sure, but would like some over all honest and solid feedback, keep it, dump it, change bits??

Paralysed

Cian

Cian, you have another hit on your hands.  The simplicity of voice and piano can be so fulfilling.  You've written some good lyrics and delivered them very professionally.  Cheers, bro.

I listened to the whole thing this time. 


Really fine song Cian, but I do have some suggestions. I think the vocal would benefit from being drier and more intimate sounding, and the chorus would have much more impact if you held back a little on the verses. Is this the same vocal performance from the larger production? If so, i can understand the way it's pitched, but I'd love to hear it with some more light and shade to get that chorus hitting big.

I'm only humbly putting these things forward, because I reckon this could be amazing.

jamesg1213


I think the vocal would benefit from being drier and more intimate sounding, and the chorus would have much more impact if you held back a little on the verses.

+100 on this, Cian. You should have gone all Coldplay on the verses, kinda like "Trouble".
 
But I gotta be honest: you usually have such a great hooky approach to melodes, but here the chorus has nothing at all memorable to it.
 
I didn't care for the de-modulation.

Very touching song, Cian, and a sparkling vocal performance too.  Maybe bringing in some percussion and instrumentation (Chorale or strings, perhaps) would help to make the chorus stand out more???  Still, a really good listen for me.

Cian,
 
Good song and performance.  I agree about pulling back the verb on the vocals a bit.   If you add more instrumentation the verb would be OK but with just the piano I would dry it out a little bit.   I also agree with Mr YoYo.  The verses are very, very strong both lyrically and melodically and it seems like the chorus doesn't quite have the power to peak after them. It is a really fine song though.   Liked it very much.
 
Regards

Excellent Cian. I like the minimalist production but would like to hear an everything but the kitchen sink version too - I reckon it would really suit a Gary Barlow approach 

Awesome feedback.

Lynn, thats for you time as always.I think there is a good track hidden in there somewhere.

Thanks James, hope you werent snoozing towards the end. No this is not the full production track and totally get where your coming from, the verse vocals are too full throttle, I have a nasty habit of "trying to hard".

Jim,  wouldn't be honest criticism if I didn't see your name cropping up! Agree with everything you said really and the "trouble" styled verse thing is genius. I like the melody of the chorus but your right, nothing sticks to mind when the song is over, needs a little lyrical hook or something.

Cheers philz, ill take another look at the full production take.

Hi Mark, thanks for the drop by. Youve echoed the guys somewhat so there is some obvious changes required.

Daryl mate, how art thou?! Cool, thank you. Gary Barlow, some one I look up to, great songwriter and it has that piano pop touch to it that he has been infamous for.

Thanks all, In a nutshell, I'm gonna have a pot at the full production and maybe post it with it. Try back off on the verses, maybe add something extra to the chorus, lay off the reverb a touch and sure .....we'll see what ya think then.

Cian