WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sixty-four unskilled workers will report to new jobs in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday as part of a federal jobs program that provides employment for people unable to find productive work elsewhere.

The new hires, who have no talents or abilities that would make them employable in most workplaces, will be earning a first-year salary of $174,000.

For that sum, the new employees will be expected to work a hundred and thirty-seven days a year, leaving them with two hundred and twenty-eight days of vacation.

Some critics have blasted the federal jobs program as too expensive, noting that the workers were chosen last November in a bloated and wasteful selection process that cost the nation nearly four billion dollars.

Sounds like they will be working for either The House or Senate. 😃

That must be 174k for ALL of them.

Finally...........................there's some hope for future of the country. 

tom1
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sixty-four unskilled workers will report to new jobs in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday as part of a federal jobs program that provides employment for people unable to find productive work elsewhere.

The new hires, who have no talents or abilities that would make them employable in most workplaces, will be earning a first-year salary of $174,000.

For that sum, the new employees will be expected to work a hundred and thirty-seven days a year, leaving them with two hundred and twenty-eight days of vacation.

Some critics have blasted the federal jobs program as too expensive, noting that the workers were chosen last November in a bloated and wasteful selection process that cost the nation nearly four billion dollars.

Borowitz Report?  Really?
 
I get all my news from The Onion.

They are there to start a bar tab and prostitute ring.
 

What is my celery here?

slartabartfast

tom1
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Sixty-four unskilled workers will report to new jobs in Washington, D.C. on Tuesday as part of a federal jobs program that provides employment for people unable to find productive work elsewhere.

The new hires, who have no talents or abilities that would make them employable in most workplaces, will be earning a first-year salary of $174,000.

For that sum, the new employees will be expected to work a hundred and thirty-seven days a year, leaving them with two hundred and twenty-eight days of vacation.

Some critics have blasted the federal jobs program as too expensive, noting that the workers were chosen last November in a bloated and wasteful selection process that cost the nation nearly four billion dollars.

 
 


Borowitz Report?  Really?
 
I get all my news from The Onion.

 
 
THIS!
 
Come on man, if you are going to post something that's an obvious TOS violation, at least do the diligence to quote something that's from a actual news source!

@rsp
you might see if you can find a sense of humor somewhere  
 
I thought the Borowitz News was obvious to everyone.
 
Andy Borowitz (born January 4, 1958) is an American writer, comedian, and actor. Borowitz is a New York Times-bestselling author who won the first National Press Club award for humor. He is known for creating the satirical column The Borowitz Report, which has an audience in the millions 

So, apparently someone "can make this stuff up".