Drummers were always drunk and/or stoned at the gig. then when they showed up for practice, they were always drunk and/or stoned. and when it was time to pay the bar tab, they were passed out in the back of the van with their arms wrapped tightly around their snare.
Lead singers, both male and female had a makeup competition. in one band we had one of each and they would always see which one could wear the most makeup. by the end of the first set, they both looked like Alice Cooper because their makeup had sweated down their faces.
lead singers also tried to get the roadies and FOH people to wait on them...bring them beer between songs. that worked out really well. one day one of the roadies got tired of being a "fetching boy" and put exlax in the female diva's beer. she was already drunk and said something didn't taste right, but drank it anyway. the last set of the night was all male vocals.
roadies are devious. if you piss them off they'll piss in your case. or leave a squirrel your case and make sure and throw it on the bus before you get it out to open it at the gig.
bassists are wound up tight and don't know how to relax. their curly hair is wound so tight around their head they cut off the oxygen to the brain. they never let their bass go thru the FOH and always crank up their monster bass head and cabs so that they are the only thing you can hear on stage and in the audience.
lead guitarists are worse divas than the lead singers. they ARE the show. just be careful when they are doing a Pete Townshend windmill or you might get caught in the mic stand that gets flung into the bassists' amp, falling over backwards off the stage and into the ditch behind the outside theater complete with running water. sparks will fly, smoke will pour, screams will ensue breakers will blow and lights will too.
the amount of hair spray needed to satisfy a lead guitarists' style is directly proportional to the amount of ego he has over the rhythm player.
the rhythm player is the rock of the group. sitting back and watching all the drama between the lead guitarist and the vocalists over who looks better in spandex and big hair. when a fight out back starts up between the lead guitarist and the male vocalist, he will rush in...after finishing his beer and cigarette...to separate them before they claw each others' eyes out. smacks them on the back of the head and tells them to straighten up and get back to work.
the female lead singer and the bassist were the "official" couple of the band, but everyone except the bassist knows that the lead singer is "secretly" having an affair with the other lead singer. after all, who else is as pretty as she is in the band???
the keyboardist is always the smartest guy in the room and therefore always the most socially inept. watching the keyboardist "dance" on stage while pressing one button on the keyboard every measure is like watching a walrus having a seizure during an earthquake. when trying to "schmooze" the ladies he looks like "Dick" from the TV show "Fridays" (youtube it if you don't remember that show - the actor was Michael Richards). he also was completely ignorant of approaching people during drug deals and would often get pushed around a little when asked to leave.