"Slightly Used Ankle Guards here! Get your Previously Owned Refurbished Ankle Guards. These have low mileage and we're including the custom 'distressed finish' absolutely free! Buy a pair now and we'll include a free pair of Vintage Armored Undershreddies! But wait, there's more! That's right. For the next few minutes, we'll also include this Special Edition Faux Beacon Squeak Toy! No, I'm serious! It looks and smells like becan, but it's a squeaky toy. Hey, in some circumstances, this toy could be the only thing between you and a certain Beagle. This offer ends as soon as Beagle catches our scent, so buy yours now!"