Nothing here can be much worse than the Classics anyway.
"The poker burned Nicholas's butt so badly that the skin started peeling off."
"Alison also has another admirer — Absalon, an effeminate incense swinger at the church. Very dainty and fastidious, Absalon is, in fact, so fastidious that he cannot tolerate people who expel gas in public. "
Absalon wouldn't last long in the Coffee House.