Hi,
Maybe it was that when we lived in Brasil, for the first 3 years was basically a shack and straw mattresses ... and then an OK house in Araraquara for 3 years, and there was no place, time, or chance for luxuries.
There are a lot of things I want ... and I just can't bring myself to get them. I look at them, and they don't click. I look at that sunthesizer, seems nice and good, I walk into Apple Music here, and it's total merde, and the folks around it are even worse. I'm supposed to overlook that to find if the instrument talks to me, but in piddling on it, it doesn't at all! Disappointment sets in! And I was ready to spend 2K on a Dave Smith synthesizer!
I'm wanting another Fender Bass (jazz due to smaller neck), but every time I try to get a hold of someone at GC, MF, BS and FU and whatever, they can't even tell me which Fender Hardshell Case I can get for it! They don't know. Apple Music didn't either, and didn't have any ... but they don't touch Fender it looks like by their website's notes! I thought about Portland Music and they had a Deluxe Special (the Mexican Made with the double pickups), and I played on it for half an hour ... didn't like the blue and fugly color on it, though. I wanted the black and gold, if it was available, and when I asked about it, they said they wouldn't be able to get it!
I'm back to writing almost full time after a break, and one novel is flowing really well, and the great thing is every time I sit, what I thought I was going to write is there, but it has massive enhancements that stunned me ... such is the freedom and openness of my style. Already on Chapter 10 and likely half way through it.
I wanted to get more into music, but it feels like it is getting further and further away, and it makes me cry. I really need someone to help me with things, and this is almost the same as you wanting your significant other ... it's a "connection" that I've had with music since childhood, and the reason why I have so many LP's and CD's ... they all take me away ... but touching that dream ... is becoming a sort of illusion! It's not about "sex" ... it's about a FRIEND, if you will!
And the only thing I ever have learned about illusions, is ... write them down. Sometimes a poem, sometimes a short story ... because the music I hear ... is not "happening", and after a few posts and the hope that I can get a good push from some folks ... I'm losing faith in that "inner flight" and "vision". And many folks don't want you to meet your dream ... because it will make them feel inferior? It's not about my 15 minutes of crappy fame! I couldn't careless about fame! It's about something else much deeper ... way deeper!
It's flighty, it's selfish, it's nasty, it has no humor .... and sometimes so silly, that all folks can post is tell Pedro to let it go! **** the guitar is all I can say at that moment!