1. Save the whales: collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. Support bacteria: they’re the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. If you believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
15. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound; that’s why some people appear bright...until you hear them speak.

BOOYA!

Beagle
BOOYA!

Should I take you seriously or are ewe drumming up something else?

craigb

Whatever you do.  I can't stress this enough.  Whatever you do, don't tell Bapu how to get one of those outfits.  

He'd have to use one for each moob...

On point #1... It ALWAYS amazes me the time and money spent on trying to get some whale off the beach or back down river when the obvious common sense answer is free BBQ for EVERYONE in town! The Nez Perce would have known what to do!!
J

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 
 
Actually the odds are very good that significantly more or less than half the people you know are below average, depending on what factor you are averaging. At the very lowest end of the distribution of assets like intelligence and other coping skills, the pool of available acquaintances is depleted by society's habit of sequestering those people in prisons or sheltered institutions. You probably know fewer of those people, and you probably think that the average person is smarter than average as a result. And of course at the highest end of income and wealth, for example, the mean is so skewed by the 1% that there is a very good chance most of the people you know, even if they are above the median are still below the mean.

my fav - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 

craigb

OH MAN!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!
 
where's the bleach and pencils????