OK. A bit of background first - my customer 'Edith' has a friend, Douglas. He's blind (not relevant, just adds to the general oddness). 30 years ago he had some terrible problem with his white blood cells and had minutes to live, so they dosed him massively with experimental steroids, which saved his life, but made him blind. There we are then. Douglas..he lives in a place called Castle Douglas..in some apartments called Douglas House (again, not relevant, but..)

So,  one afternoon, I'm working away in Edith's garden and she came out. Wanted to know if I'd take her in town to get some shopping. I duly obliged, stood in the queue in the Co-Op with her trolley and handbag while she had a sit down.

On the way back we were following another customer's car.

''Ah'' I said, ''There's Mr *****, on his way home''

''Is he the funeral director?'' said Edith.

'That's right, I cut his grass''

''He must have plenty of money, driving a car like that''

I told her he had arranged my Dad's funeral, and we chatted for a bit about that, the costs, how far it was to the cemetary, etc. There was a pause, then she said;

''You didn't consider doing the transportation yourself then?''

''Umm..nooo..the thought never entered my head to be honest Edith''

''Well. We were doing Douglas' Will last night, and he doesn't want a funeral director. He wants to go to Hexham (North of England, about 100 miles from where I am). He wants a green burial. Doesn't want a hearse, he wants to go in someone's van. Would you be prepared to take him?''

I swear, I nearly drove into the ditch.

Regaining my composure, and starting to imagine an Ealing Comedy playing out in my head, I said - jokingly -

'Oh yes Edie, I'm up for that, no problem!''

''Really?'' she smiled ''That's lovely, thank you.''

 
**********************************************
 
The above was copied from an email I sent to a friend about a year ago. Since then Douglas was diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer, and given no more than a few months to live.
 
Edith phoned me today, and told me Douglas died yesterday.
 
She wants to know if I'm up for transporting the body to the green funeral next week...
 
Help....

I would do it. No, really, I would. Granted, I would want to ask for a few bucks for gas, but I would do it. 
 
I would try to resist thinking about Weekend at Bernies. I would also insist on driving at normal speeds. Everybody can keep up.
 
I used to know someone who lived in the basement of a funeral parlor in Chicago. He lived there rent-free and the only condition was that he had to receive the bodies that were delivered during the night. I always envied him for that sweet deal. It was nice and quiet at night. I used to think, "This would be a perfect rehearsal space..."

You made the commitment and should do it. Your only other option is to beg off or explain that you didn't mean it. I have to say it sounds like the plot to a fine movie is developing. Maggie Smith as Edith and Benedict Cumberbatch in the role of James.

Yes, definitely, you should do it.  Don't know about blighty but over here there's rules and regs (due to the very effective funeral home lobby) about such things.  Make sure you're not getting in dutch with the law.

Hang on a sec..only UBubba actually answered the question so far,
 
Anyone can tell me, that I should do it..leading from behind is easy.
 
So I'll ask again..
 
Would you do it?

Sorry James, I'm busy that weekend.

spacey
Sorry James, I'm busy that weekend.

It's on Thursday. I'll pencil you in then?

I probably would for a close friend if laws allow it.  I don't think I would for someone I don't know so well.  I might rent something so as not to have the death associated with my vehicle.  

jamesg1213

spacey
Sorry James, I'm busy that weekend.

It's on Thursday. I'll pencil you in then?

LOL....I'll be out of town Thursday.....and everyday. Sorry.
 
 
 
 
James, if I may....
get some big nails and wheel barrow type wheels and nail them to the coffin and drag it to the service. They
probably won't ask for your help again.

I would, but I'm dead tired