Sinkholes are badgers’ revenge THE sinkholes appearing across Britain are an act of revenge by the badgers.
“I am The Reaper and I am everywhere”
The badgers claimed responsibility for the holes which have swallowed houses, vehicles and at least 20 cows.
In a statement, the badgers said the holes were a ‘legitimate response’ to the government’s ‘acts of war’ and threatened to ‘hollow out Britain until it was like an Easter egg’.
The statement added: “You think we are beneath you. Well, we are beneath you. Literally. What about that, eh?
“Admit to your TB lies and pay us reparations or one day the ground you stand on will suddenly give way and you will be plunged into darkness.
“And in that darkness will be a righteous badger, waiting to bite your face off.”
The government stressed it was trying not to be intimidated by the badgers, but urged everyone to put their ears to their living room floors and listen for scratching, digging and swearing.
A spokesman said: “If you hear the badgers you must phone the army and then get into your car and drive as fast as you can in any direction for at least 24 hours.”
Prime minister David Cameron added: “This is very frightening. I am terrified.”