Some might remember that story from last year when I woke up to the sound of helicopters circling in the sky above our neighbour, went downstairs to prepare coffee, pulled the blinds, looked through the glass door and saw two kids hiding for merely 2 seconds before I went up to call 911 and grab a baseball bat...
 
A month later I received a first subpoena but finally didn't have to show up. I should mention that I couldn't even identify the kids when they caught them an hour later, merely their clothes, as loosely matching, not all that conclusively as far as I'm concerned. 
 
This morning, guess what I found in the mail? A second subpoena. 
 
You guys have no idea how pissed off I am... It's just like being dragged into this old nightmare which I thought we'd finally left behind. I've always tried to live the most irreproachable life because, 1: I have a conscience and I'm not an **** and 2: I don't want to have anything to do with crime or criminals or anything that could mess with my desire for a simple, honest and quiet life.
 
Yet I'm once again dragged into it because of this repeated offender who's made the life choice of not only not contributing, but actually enjoying the fruits of other people's hard work - having them slaved for him, more or less. And when he gets caught, society still ends up paying the bills.

It's like there's no end to the negative consequences, either way we put it, there's no way of fixing this to everyone's benefit. We all have to pay for his existence, any which way...

Well, rich people and politicians always fall back on the "I can't recall" line. Maybe you should put it to work. The justice system is designed to help criminals and the rich. Average people pay for both of them but the rich can bend justice to their will if their pockets are deep enough.
 
 

ampfixer
Well, rich people and politicians always fall back on the "I can't recall" line. Maybe you should put it to work. The justice system is designed to help criminals and the rich. Average people pay for both of them but the rich can bend justice to their will if their pockets are deep enough.
 
 

Right on, John.
 
It is a fact, I cannot identify any of them. Even on the spot, the cops acknowledged that it was quite understandable that I wouldn't recognize them.
 
Besides the financial pit they represent on a collective level, what frustrates me even more is to have my life reorganized to accommodate this charade, even if it's just for a day, to have my freedom revoked even if it were just for an hour.
 
(Actually, considering that I have to be there on a Monday morning at 8:45, that we only have one car and that my wife has two shows every night plus rehearsals 5 days a week these days, it involves a lot more and has quite an impact on us.)

I'm sorry for the imposition.  I don't know why they're bothering you with this since you can't identify them anyway.  You did what you needed to do by alerting the police to they're presence in your yard.  But that's how the gears of justice grind away.  Unfortunately, those gears have a habit of grinding away on innocent bystanders, too.  
 
Good luck with all the logistics and other headaches you'll have to deal with.  It's no way to start the week, either.  

It scares me how bad I am at describing a face I've seen only 5 minutes before. I have no idea how the cops end up with those artist impressions from witness descriptions, especially when they're so good that the perp ends up being caught on the strength of it. 
 
"Describe his nose"
"It had two nostrils and seemed to be in working order"
"Describe his eyes"
"They were kind of eye shaped"
"Describe his mouth"
"Closed, except for when he was talking"
 
 
I'd probably end up with something like this (mind you, they apparently caught the man in question as pictured on the right):
 

 
But man, once those cops get it into their heads that you're going to be their star witness, there's no stopping them. Many years ago back in England I partially witnessed an assault and told cops I probably wouldn't recognize them again. They sent me a summons which I didn't get for one reason and another, then the next thing I knew I'm walking out of a public bathroom in the city center and this scruffy, unwashed looking guy taps me on the shoulder and says my name. I said "yes?" and he immediately shoved a summons into my hand. It was an undercover cop! To this day I don't even know how in the hell he found me - the only explanation is that he must have trailed me from my home all the way into the city center (a good couple of miles). But why? A uniformed cop could have just handed me the summons as I was coming out of my building. I know what it's like when you just can't be bothered with this crap and you know you're not going to be any help to the case. But, you gotta do it....

I once had to go to court as a witness for an incident involving a bus driver and a passenger. When the cops walked in the bus and asked who'd seen it happen, I raised my hand, because, I obviously had, and it was obvious that every one in the bus had seen it happen - two guys yelling at each other and coming to hands at the front of the vehicle...
 
Turns out that I was the only one in that rather crowded bus to have witnessed anything. No one else raised their and...
 
As for identification... The shock of discovering intruders in your backyards, one of them popping in front of you out of nowhere - when I'd just got out of bed, before my first coffee... You just want to identify if there's any immediate threat (locate their hands and try to see if they're hiding something). Then call 911 and make sure that you secure the perimeter, as much as possible...
 
But as for the rest... My description of the intruders would get a positive ID on 99% of the NBA players.

Be thankful you did not witness a crime committed by a truly connected perpetrator. Witnesses have had their lives ruined, careers lost and families put beyond their reach by the simple act of seeing something they were not supposed to see, and being sucked into a "witness protection" program of one sort or another. 
 
As for the subpoena: if it came from the prosecutor, you will probably not actually be testifying. The rule of thumb in court is that you should never ask a question you do not know the answer to and the answer must support your case. If your statements to the police were as unhelpful as you suggest, the prosecutor should know that your testimony will only add to the jury's confusion, and help the defense cast doubt on the identity of those arrested. Your name on a list of witnesses, however, will help him to bluff the defense into a plea bargain. If you are being called by the defense, then your uncertainty may actually be what he wants the jury to hear about, especially if he wants to paint the police as having grabbed the first live bodies they came across. At least you are not being called to answer for assaulting the kids with a baseball bat. 

Rain
I once had to go to court as a witness for an incident involving a bus driver and a passenger. When the cops walked in the bus and asked who'd seen it happen, I raised my hand, because, I obviously had, and it was obvious that every one in the bus had seen it happen - two guys yelling at each other and coming to hands at the front of the vehicle...
 
Turns out that I was the only one in that rather crowded bus to have witnessed anything. No one else raised their and...
 
As for identification... The shock of discovering intruders in your backyards, one of them popping in front of you out of nowhere - when I'd just got out of bed, before my first coffee... You just want to identify if there's any immediate threat (locate their hands and try to see if they're hiding something). Then call 911 and make sure that you secure the perimeter, as much as possible...
 
But as for the rest... My description of the intruders would get a positive ID on 99% of the NBA players.

You're just a magnet for trouble, aren't you?  
 
I've managed to avoid most of that stuff.  I been on jury duty a couple of times.  I actually got on one trial.  It was interesting to see how the legal system works--at least on a small-time instance.  

Even though I often question our ethics and the reasoning behind them and what sometimes look like non-senses in our democratic societies, at the end of the day, I put all theoretical disagreement aside and quite candidly oblige. 
 
It's ironic to see that the people who refuse to question any of those noble principles we've inherited are often the first ones to seek every possible ways to exempt themselves from the resulting responsibilities. They're the people who didn't see a thing in the bus.
 
Maybe as a result of often feeling alienated in their world, I always behave as a guest and yield to rules, even when I can't vouch for them. Which is what I think potentially makes me such a magnet. 
 
But now I just wish that they'd remove my name from their little list where it ended up because of a couple of carbon units in favour of which I cannot say a word.

The only thing I've witnessed, where I was required to give a statement, was the carnage at a fatal RTA. I wish I could unsee it.