craigb
An elderly man finally agreed to be put into a retirement home against his better wishes. The next morning a good looking female nurse stopped by to see how he's doing and was a bit surprised to see the older man sporting a woody. "Well! Let me just take care of that for you!" she said - and she did! The man called up his son to say "I've changed my mind! I think I'm going to like it here!"
Later that day as he was walking down the hall, he tripped and fell. A male attendant was nearby and came over looking like he was going to help him up. Instead he had his way with the older man first. The man immediately called up his son and said "Get me out of here as fast as you can!" "Why's that?" inquired the son, "I thought you said you liked it there." "Well, " replied the father, "I only get wood once a month, but I fall down at least four or five times a week!"
It seems that another old man who owned a shop discovered that his pretty assistant had been pocketing money from the till. He gave her two options; 1: Call the police in, 2: Let him have his way with her. Reluctantly, the girl took the second option. So the old man took her into the back room for twenty minutes and tried his hardest but it just wasn't working for him. Finally, frustrated, he said, "it's no good, I'm going to have to call the cops."