A couple were Christmas shopping. The mall was packed, and as the wife turned around she was surprised to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her cellphone to ask him where he was.
 
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
 
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, yes I do..."
 
He replied, "Well, I'm in the bar next door."

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
 
(I mean the prices at that bar - waaaay over inflated!)

Another man was wandering around in the same mall looking confused when he bumped into another man.
"Sorry" he said "wasn't looking where I was going, the Mrs has wandered off somewhere. I have no idea where she is"
"Mine too" says the other guy. "Why don't we help each other out here?"
"Okay" says the first guy......."what does your wife look like?"
"Well, she's 23, about 6ft tall, slim,long blond hair, very pretty and she's wearing a black minsikirt and a pink boob tube. What about yours ? "
"Never mind that" he says .............."let's look for yours".
 
 

Hah! Good ones fellas. Nice way to bring a smile on this morning.

LOL

 
I did my big Christmas grocery shop earlier today.

When I got to the checkout, my trolley was overflowing with stuff falling on the floor.
 
Stood behind me was a little old lady with just a tin of peas and a few value sausages in her basket.
 
"Excuse me my dear" I said pointing to her basket, "But is that all you've got?"
 
Her dear little wrinkled old face lit up and she replied, "Yes, dear."
 
"Well" I said, "You'd best feck off then, I'm going to be ages."
 
 
 
 
 

SteveStrummerUK
 
I did my big Christmas grocery shop earlier today.

When I got to the checkout, my trolley was overflowing with stuff falling on the floor.
 
Stood behind me was a little old lady with just a tin of peas and a few value sausages in her basket.
 
"Excuse me my dear" I said pointing to her basket, "But is that all you've got?"
 
Her dear little wrinkled old face lit up and she replied, "Yes, dear."
 
"Well" I said, "You'd best feck off then, I'm going to be ages."
 

Is that when she maced you, or did that come later?