I admit.  I was careless.  The lights were a little bright and my eyes were tired.  I had a lot to do today and there were a number of Important Things on my mind.  I let myself get distracted and then it happened.
 
I accidentally nicked my temporal lobe.  As you might expect, I became unfixed in time.  At first, I was irritated.  I mean, who wants to walk around all morning with a piece of tissue paper stuck to their brain?  I realized the full extent of my problem when I tried to drink some coffee.  I had this burning sensation on my face and spilling down my chest.  A few seconds later, I tried to sip my coffee.  You guessed it.  My effects were preceeding my causes.
 
My forehead hurt.  Irritated, I facepalmed myself a little too hard.  In retrospect, I probably should have seen that coming.  As I got ready to go to work, I ran into a few doors and tripped over the couch.  I admit that I was somewhat concerned about driving an hour or so on the Tollway to get to the office.  Fortunately, my impairment only helped me to blend in with all of the other drivers.
 
It's rather difficult to run meetings effectively when you're lagging behind the rest of the timestream.  I've taken to nodding and saying, "Hmmm" frequently.  Doing so creates an illusion that I'm being Wise, Thoughtful and Profound.
 
Missing my chair tends to spoil the effect, but I can work on that.

Sounds about par for a Monday.

At least you have an excuse.

Friends don't let friends drink and shave!

Aren't you naturally bald? 
 
 
 
Why UB shavin'?

?shaved you aftershave the use you did So,

Wookie will never have that problem.

Guitarhacker
Wookiee will never have that problem.

 
@bubba - What were you doing shaving ones posterior 

This just appeared on my screen, so I assume that I should type it.  I don't know if anyone has posted anything here yet, but I'm assuming that I'm replying to someone.
 
Becan
I was trying to shave my face and I missed.  It could happen to anyone.
Wait.  Your Today is a Monday?
An Excuse is not the same thing as a Raisin.  (Some educational TV obviously worked...)
Apparently, Wookiees consider discussions about shaving to be a TOS violation.
No other primates were injured during this event.  I am sorry about the baby seals, though.
.did I Yes, Yes  .confused looking there standing involves aftershave standard My
No, I was out of ointment and my brain was itchy.
Becan.
No, it's not really a sense of deja vu.  Deja vu is the seventh sense, right between Common and Any.
Until I get cause and effect sorted out, I have got to switch to lukewarm coffee.
No, those are not my eels.  (or are they?)

UbiquitousBubba
This just appeared on my screen, so I assume that I should type it.  I don't know if anyone has posted anything here yet, but I'm assuming that I'm replying to someone.
 
Becan
I was trying to shave my face and I missed.  It could happen to anyone.
Wait.  Your Today is a Monday?
An Excuse is not the same thing as a Raisin.  (Some educational TV obviously worked...)
Apparently, Wookiee's consider discussions about shaving to be a arse violation.
No other primates were injured during this event.  I am sorry about the baby seals, though.
.did I Yes, Yes  .confused looking there standing involves aftershave standard My
No, I was out of ointment and my brain was itchy.
Becan.
No, it's not really a sense of deja vu.  Deja vu is the seventh sense, right between Common and Any.
Until I get cause and effect sorted out, I have got to switch to lukewarm coffee.
No, those are not my eels.  (or are they?)

Craigb, Ed-ited, etc