craigb
Start with this one:
 

Pffft. That pathetic little thing wouldn't even graze the skin off the surface of the pile of crap in the FSF.

That's why it's just a start.

I like bands that know their limitations. 
 
"Hey, Earl?  How many fans do we have?  Is it 50 or 51?"
"No, Jehosaphat.  Jedediah done fell off his roof, so he's out.  Wilhelmina went to stay at her Aunt Sister's place for the winter.  Ferdinand got busted for speeding.  We're down to 47, now."
"Should we get more shirts printed up?  50's a nice round number."
"Now, what are we gonna do with three extra shirts?  Had you thought about that, Jehosaphat?  You see, that's why you don't let the drummer manage the finances.  You leave that to the lead kazooist."
"You're right, Earl.  Sorry I brought it up."

Why are saying drummers can't manage finances? ... are you assuming drummers can't count?
I can count ... 1, 2, 3, 4 ... see, it's not so hard!

I see you've tried arguing with a kazooist.  I've found that it's usually best to encourage them to pursue a solo career.  The band always sounds better once they go solo.
 
If that fails, there's a pair of 2B sticks in your hand...