One day, in line at the grocery, I said
to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a
doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,"
Mike replies. ...
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give
it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and
what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper
than a doctor."
So, I deposited a urine sample in a small jar and took
it to Walmart.
I deposited ten dollars and the computer lights up and
asks for the urine sample. I poured the sample into the slot and
waited.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and
avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for
shopping at Walmart's."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new
technology was, I began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
I mixed some tap water, a stool sample from my dog,
urine samples from my wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from
meself for good measure.
I hurried back to Walmart, eager to check the results.
I deposited ten dollars, poured the concoction, and awaited for the
results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow
will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Walmart.