Throughout my ordeal, not once has any medical professional said "this is gonna hurt!" (they use code words instead, e.g. "take a deep breath", or "wiggle your toes").
At least, not until yesterday when I got a call from a nurse confirming my appointment next week to have the surgical staples removed. She said "you know, it's very painful". Yikes. Excuse me? Nobody's ever actually said such a thing out loud before.
Well, I thought, there are probably only a few of these staples, right? Not having actually seen the incision myself, I had my wife take a photograph. Holy crap. There's got to be at least 30 or 40 staples in there, closing a 9" incision at about 1/4" intervals. Looks like a zipper. Don't worry, I'm not going to post it.
I think the "very painful" prediction will turn out not to be an exaggeration.
Oxycodone, don't fail me now. Practicing rolling my eyes back and humming my mantra, an amorphous drone in Am.