Thanks guys. This thread and people's input really help me get a better understanding of the situation and clear my thoughts.
 
Mike - don't hesitate to let me know when you're around. I'm always up for a beer, a glass of wine or a soda pop. 
 
Steve - I had to go to court once before, in regards to an incident that happened inside a bus. The bus driver and a passenger started fighting, at the front of the bus, right next to the driver's seat then took it outside. When the police arrived and walked into the bus to ask who had seen anything, I raised my hand, naively, thinking that it was my duty - then looked around and saw that I was the only one out of maybe 30 passengers to do so. Awww, come one people! 
 
I went to court and walked out as soon as they let me. The judge actually thanked me "for one of the clearest accounts he had heard in years of practice". 
 
I don't know how it ended. But I did see the angry passenger the following year, standing right in front of me at a Nine Inch Nails concert. That was weird.
 

Update...


As per the subpoena, I called in tonight after 6 pm to verify if I was needed tomorrow. I thought the odds were 99,99% positive, but it seems that I won't have to show up. At this time. I'm not sure why, how this works, if that means that the case has been postponed - though a quick web search seems to indicate otherwise -  settled otherwise or what.
 
That being said, it is possible that I'll receive another subpoena at a later time. I'm crossing my fingers that I won't but, who knows... As I mentioned before, I can't even identify any of those guys, so there's very little point to dragging me in court - and asking me to be there at 8:45 in the morning to top it all... 
 

In my experience, this is one of the best weapons in the event of an unprovoked attack upon ones self:
 

No, not the peace sign. Screw peace! You ram your fingers into their eye sockets as hard as you can. 

Unless they put up their rigid hand in a vertical salute along the bridge of their nose as a block...Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

LOL
 
Yeah, how'd they call that one - the eagle claw? 
 

You have to be extremely quick. As a distraction, offer them a cigarette or casually ask them their opinion of iOS 7. 

How's that for distraction? ;)
 

And from what I understand after reading the report on the web, the guy waived the right to a preliminary hearing this morning and the case will be brought up from district to circuit court. 
 
Man, I'm learning all kinds of things I never wanted to know. 
 
Crossing fingers that I'll not be commanded to appear there.

Rain
How's that for distraction? ;)
 

Oooohhhh the fun I could have with that....

Yeah, that things has a good 18-20 feet range. And unlike the smaller ones, it sprays a fog. So you don't even have to be all that precise and, more importantly, it works even if you're outnumbered - you just let it fart in their general direction.