young boy "mommy when i grow up I wanna be a musician!"

Mother "well son you are going to have to chose.  you cant do both."

next?

Some people call me Maurice

My mate left his accordian on the back seat of his unlocked car the other day

when he came back he had 2 accordians

  
Music by Staypress

How do you get a musician off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

HP Pavilion dm4 1165-dx (i5); X1c Producer; W7 64bit; 8G RAM; Octa-Capture; KRK Rokit-8s; controllers... mics.
I HATE THIS CMPUTER KEYBARD!
 

Some people call me Maurice

i miss the far side

and firesign theater

Some people call me Maurice

I suppose the firesign theater is now on the far side.

Serendipity.

The Coffee House Band
Soundcloud Collabs
My Studio
Wicked

What did the drummer get on his SAT test?

Drool.

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  ) 

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  ) 

Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They won't touch anything electric.

Q: How do you make a banjo players car more aerodynamic?

A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.

Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?

A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.

Q: How do you know it's a singer at the door?

A: He doesn't know when to come in.

A guy walks into a fingerstyle guitar convention, picks up a guitar and begins to play. He plays so beautifully that before he has finished the song, he has attracted a crowd of fingerstlye guitarist onlookers.

"What is that strange tuning?!" he is asked.

"EADGBE" he replies.

http://marcuscurtismusic.com/  

Windows 7 ultimate, Sonar X2, Ozone 5, AMD Phenom 2 x6 1075T processor 3.00 GHz, (6 cores) 8 gigs of Ram, 

Audio interfaces=VS-100, Pod X3 live pro, Midi Controllers Edirol  PCR 800, roland GR-33. GR-20, GR-55, and You Rock Guitar.    

[color=#800000 size=3 font="comic sans ms"]Q:[size=3 font="comic sans ms"] What's the difference between a guitar player and a certificate of deposit?

A:[size=3 font="comic sans ms"] The CD will eventually mature and make money.

http://marcuscurtismusic.com/  

Windows 7 ultimate, Sonar X2, Ozone 5, AMD Phenom 2 x6 1075T processor 3.00 GHz, (6 cores) 8 gigs of Ram, 

Audio interfaces=VS-100, Pod X3 live pro, Midi Controllers Edirol  PCR 800, roland GR-33. GR-20, GR-55, and You Rock Guitar.    

I always carry a pair of drumsticks in my car.  If I can't find a decent parking spot, I just throw them on the dash and use a handicap spot.

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  ) 

Q: – What’s the most common thing said to a bass player in a 3-piece suit?
A: – "Will the defendant please rise"

Q: What's the difference between a girl singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  ) 

How do you get a guitar player to turn down?  Pass him the sheet music..

too many lasers...






Sonar = audio editing ninja of a music software!

How do you know if the stage is levelled (important info for the crew piling up the cabin towers)?
The drummer is drooling from both corners of his mouth.

Due to a shipwreck a bold team of musicians has endured on a deserted island for years. One day they get lucky, and find an oil lamp. Of course, rubbing it makes the genie show up. How come, the genie, gratefull for the liberation from his inprisonment promises to fullfill one wish for each of the guys.
So, speaks the guitarist:" I miss my dear wife and my children so. I wish to get back to them as soon as possible!" Whooooshh! Vanishes the guitarman.
The drummer:" I sort of, you know, miss the local pub and the ladies, you know,..I'd really like to get back to my favourite pub..." Whoooosh! Vanishes the drummer.

And so on...All the guys wish to get back to their own neighbourhood, families etc. Last in the line is the bass guitarist. "So...you're the last..What do you wish, my master?"
Standing alone on the empty beach goes the bassist: "Well...you know....I...I want my buddies back!"

SONAR PE 8.5.3, Asus P5B, 2,4 Ghz Dual Core, 4 Gb RAM, GF 7300, EMU 1820, Bluetube Pre  -  Kontakt4, Ozone, Addictive Drums, PSP Mixpack2, Melda Creative Pack, Melodyne Plugin etc.
The benefit of being a middle aged amateur is the low number of years of frustration ahead of you.

How do you know if it's a drummer knocking on your door?

The knocks speed up/slow down


What do you call a guy who hangs around with the band?

A drummer

i7 3930, 32Gb RAM, 3 x 1Tb Internal, 3Tb External HDD's, Win 7 64 Bit, Saffire Pro 26, Saffire 6 USB, ISA One, Adam P11A, Pod Pro XT, Behringer Bass V-Amp, AT4033, Sm58's, Sm57's, SE R1 Ribbons, 
Sonar X2a, BFD2, EWQLSO Platinum Plus, T-Racks Singles, Various guitars/phones/keyboards

why does the singer stand on the front porch of her own house without going in?

she can't find the key.

Go to my website for recording help, soundcard and equipment recommendations.
http://www.beaglesound.com/
http://soundcloud.com/beaglesound/sets/featured-songs-1
i5 2500K, 16G DDR3, Win7x64, Asus P8P67, MOTU Ultralite Hybrid MK3
Privia PX-3, Yamaha MO6

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?  "Hey guys, I have an idea for a song!"

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  ) 

A group was on safari in the jungle when they heard drums  playing.  Their guide says, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

The safari members pick up the pace.  

Their guide repeats, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

They pick up the pace even more.  Imaginations race.  Could they be cannibals or head-hunters?  

The drums are getting louder and faster.  Their guide repeats, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

Finally, one of the group members asks, "What happens when the drums stop?"  

The guide says, "Bass solo."  

Toss the tarot, And the Ouija board
Those parlor games, Don't thrill me no more    

X2, Emulator X2, E-mu 1212M, Virtual String Machine

Old55


A group was on safari in the jungle when they heard drums  playing.  Their guide says, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

The safari members pick up the pace.  

Their guide repeats, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

They pick up the pace even more.  Imaginations race.  Could they be cannibals or head-hunters?  

The drums are getting louder and faster.  Their guide repeats, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

Finally, one of the group members asks, "What happens when the drums stop?"  

The guide says, "Bass solo."  

Bwaaaah Haaaaa Haaaaaaa!!!!!

The Coffee House Band
Soundcloud Collabs
My Studio
Wicked

Old55


A group was on safari in the jungle when they heard drums  playing.  Their guide says, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

The safari members pick up the pace.  

Their guide repeats, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

They pick up the pace even more.  Imaginations race.  Could they be cannibals or head-hunters?  

The drums are getting louder and faster.  Their guide repeats, "Must hurry.  We must leave before drums stop!"  

Finally, one of the group members asks, "What happens when the drums stop?"  

The guide says, "Bass solo."  

Oooo!  A new one!  Me likey!

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  ) 

bapu


I suppose the firesign theater is now on the far side.

Serendipity.

One of them, anyway!
 
Just got their license plate frame to put on my car ... and ... bummer ... the bumper sticker is wong! It says bus, but I have a car, not a bus!

As a wise Guy once stated from his holy chapala ... none of the hits, none of the time ... helps you find something ... and you and I and all of us hope that you are clever enough to find out what that is ... someday, before you die!

My Webpages
 

craigb


I always carry a pair of drumsticks in my car.  If I can't find a decent parking spot, I just throw them on the dash and use a handicap spot.

As do I ... and every favorite song on the stereo gets the snare drum treatment on my steering wheel!

As a wise Guy once stated from his holy chapala ... none of the hits, none of the time ... helps you find something ... and you and I and all of us hope that you are clever enough to find out what that is ... someday, before you die!

My Webpages
 

How do you get two trumpet players to play in tune?




shoot one of them. 

My website & music: www.herbhartley.com

MC4/5/6/X1e.c, on a Custom DAW   
Focusrite Firewire Saffire Interface


BMI/NSAI

"Just as the blade chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer " 

Q. What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine?

A. A flat minor

Q. What do you get if you drop a piano in a military base?

A. A flat major

What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range

Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who can play accordian but chooses not to.

how many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 - five.
   one to do it, and four to say "I can do that, but faster!"

Sonar X2a (x64) - Win8 x64 - ASUS Sabretooth P67 - Intel i7-2600K - 32Gb RAM - MOTU Ultralite MKIII - M Audio Axiom and TriggerFinger - Novation Nocturne
Soundcloud

This one is cool!

I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a
rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making
mistakes.
“When you’re too dumb to play anything,” the professor
conducting us sneered, “they give you a couple of sticks,
put you in the back, and call you a percussionist.”
A friend next to me whispered, “And if you’re too dumb to
hang on to both sticks, they take one away, put you in the
front, and call you a conductor.”

Sonar X2a (x64) - Win8 x64 - ASUS Sabretooth P67 - Intel i7-2600K - 32Gb RAM - MOTU Ultralite MKIII - M Audio Axiom and TriggerFinger - Novation Nocturne
Soundcloud

ProjectM


This one is cool!

I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a
rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making
mistakes.
“When you’re too dumb to play anything,” the professor
conducting us sneered, “they give you a couple of sticks,
put you in the back, and call you a percussionist.”
A friend next to me whispered, “And if you’re too dumb to
hang on to both sticks, they take one away, put you in the
front, and call you a conductor.”

HAHA!!! Good one!! 

Epitaph on a Blues singers headstone.

"I didn't wake up this morning!"

"If I could sum up what musicians want in one word, it would be 'more.'" - Ernst Nathorst-Böös

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

A drummist and bassist were sitting in a car going nowhere.
They were both waiting for the other one to start.

Greg 

SONAR Home Studio 6 XL, Focusrite Saffire, not enough space. 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=609446
http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/gregfields