Paul, I really like the stuff you come up with, it's always interesting to listen to. I'll not comment on the mix other than to restate that, like your other piece, I think your vocals are too far forward, a little less aggression on the volume will let things settle in more pleasantly, imho.
I'm no expert song writer, so take my comments with a grain of salt from here on. I really like the melody you define early on, it's got a lazy, bluesy feel to it that I find compelling. I also like the subject, "violin player," it evokes mental imagery that really helps me stay interested in the song.
Two things struck me as I listened. First, I feel like you're trying to pack too many words into every bar, which tends to undermine the sweet, slow and bluesy feel. This could just be your demo delivery, and it might very well be that a talented vocalist would make it work well, but that's what my ear tells me.
The second thing is that I never felt like there was an emotional payoff anywhere. Just as things get interesting, they calm down again and don't really deliver any kind of punch. This applies to the verse as well as the bridge. It's not like the melody your crafting doesn't have some opportunities to deliver some of that payoff, they do, but you seem to shy away from closing the deal. Again, a talented vocalist delivering the song with a lot of passion might well make me eat my words.
If I had any kind of music theory background I might be able to offer you something more actionable than this, but it's the best I can do, sorry about that. Anyway, I really hope you continue to develop this song, and I'd really like to hear it when you've found a vocalist to lay down some demo tracks for it.
Kevin
post edited by kevinwal - 2015/10/12 03:48:56