Moshkito

Rain
...
I've always considered myself an individualist but I can't say that I feel a strong connexion w/ those people. Actually, it's a little paradox in itself - the herd seems to consist of people mostly unfit for life in society.

 
Anything that I say here, a lot of times, gets mis-represented, and mis-understood.
 
This has been a problem for me since I came to America when I was 16 years old ... couldn't even say hi to the girl, and hello and all that ... and one day your words work, and the next day the words don't.
 
I come from a literary background, huge literary, as in famous and well known and all that with dignitaries lined up at dad's funeral, making a trip from Europe just for it and such. This kind of stuff, does not always sinc with the "public" and the "popular", and not because it is a different world, and people think I'm putting them down. As Shelley asked ... is it the snake's fault it is poisonous? ... is it my fault that I was born into this, and not into your family, or neighbors?
 
What it did for me, since I had no one to ask anything, or learn anything, is turn it all inside. It made me a "visualist", which originally I wanted to turn into film ... BADLY ... since these were my first and only love. It didn't happen, because of no English, and I could not get into the University with bad grades for English and any subject that required papers and the like, and high school was a disaster because of it. Only made me turn inside even more.
 
End result? The only thing I could do was write my own feelings, thoughts and such.
 
Further end result? No one can teach me, or help me with my "insides" since it was all developed from the inside as a "translation" of what I felt ... that translation can not be done by anyone else. Now, don't get me wrong ... many people can suggest, and say things that help me, but they have to be attuned to some of those inner details, and mostly, the comments are not "tuned" to be near the area where they would have to be, which means I generally drop them and ignore them.
 
I am (sort of) like John Lennon's comment in Revolution ... that when you are going to tear it out and destroy everything, then you can count me out. I understand that WELL, coming from a Fascist government, that had repercussions on our own family politically, something that most Americans don't always understand or know, or are near it at all. This is hard ... because it makes me stay "apart" from a lot of "mass consciousness", and thus you can see my speaking badly of top ten and how it can trick people into thinking that is the right thing ... and you have no say on the subject ... and in some countries, they don't disagree ... they shoot!
 
But there are, some groups of people, I feel some kin-ship with, this area is one, albeit, many folks here have this idea that because I do not play an instrument like they do, I don't fit ... I play words/feelings into a poem, or review, or story ... same thing, just another "discipline". But it does not mean, in any way, that I agree with them all, but this would NEVER stop me from having a beer, with Bapu, Rain, Craig, whoever ... and still love them for being nice pals, one of the few things in life, worth remembering and enjoying!