My dog ate a dictionary. I gave him tons of laxatives, but couldn't get a word out of him.
A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
Two drunks walking along, one runs into a bar. The other one ducked.
Man walks in to a bar carrying a piece of asphalt. He tells the bartender "one for me and one for the road".
An engineer and and accountant are applying for a job, but first they have to pass a math test.
The HR Director asks the engineer,
"What is 2 + 2?" and the engineer replies,
"4"The HR Director then asks the accountant,
"What is 2 + 2?" and the accountant replies,
"What do you want it to be?" There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant.
The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This just goes to prove that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib! Parker Brothers once tried to cross a slide rule with a board game: Calculated Risk Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
What did the Protractor say to the Triangle?
"Haven't seen you round here"