Barre chords help...yes, feel free to laugh at me

A couple tricks are simple...
 
   First, to get the "sound" start with just 2 fingers across 3 strings and build up from there. The root, 5th, and octave are used a LOT in music, and is a great place to start (and add the higher strings as you gain proficiency).
 
   Second... get the pattern of the Bm chord learned well... When the root is on the low E, it is a major chord, when the root is on the A string, is it a minor chord. That finger pattern is your best friend for barre chords (regardless of root).
 
   Major chords rooted on the E string are the Bm "pattern"... pull off the middle finger and is the minor chord.
   Minor chords rooted on the A string are the Bm pattern moved around, and can "cheat" to play the major chord by using 2 fingers on the middle 4 strings.
 
   As noted in previous posts, practice is the key element, especially the finger pattern of Bm... many barre chords used in music are not "full" chords but often take advantage of only the lower 3 or 4 strings. For the sake of simplicity and learning, I would recommend starting there, and build up as you go.
 
   Edit: Oh, and when learning... is easiest on the fingers on an electric guitar (by far); and if on an acoustic, closer to the nut (especially if the neck has any type of bow to it!)

It's all about leverage, dub. You want to make sure your thumb is in the right place on the back of the neck and pointing in the right direction. This can change from one chord formation to another and kind of depends on the size and strength of your hands. I, like sharke, have really long bony fingers so barre chords were a real biznatch for me and I actually used my thumb to wrap around the neck to fret the root of six string barre chords. As "cool" as that may look and in song cases is a really useful technique for producing super crisp sound chords while moving around quickly it is limited and sucks for changing chord QUALITIES in one position or easily using the barre as the foundation for little solos or variations within the chord as you strum it.
 
Now after doing EXTENSIVE scale and chord practicing and doing a ton of strength building playing barre chords the correct way is pretty easy for me but it took a lot of work and I definitely learned to pay attention to what my thumb was doing.
 
You want to make sure you are applying pressure with your thumb in the best spot to squeeze down with your fingers on the other side. For the more straight up major and minor chords starting on the sixth and fifth strings this is usually right in the middle of the back of the neck (slightly closer to the top for six string chords because you need extra pressure closer to the top because that's where the "extra" fingers are fretting notes on top of the barre and a little lower for fifth string bars because those extra fingers are a little lower... basically the barre is the easy part and extra pressure is needed for the other fingers). I, because I have long hands push into these chords from the back at the knuckle or sometimes just above or below depending on what's going on. Usually for those basic chords my thumb will point upwards as that gives me the best leverage.
 
When things start going weird then the thumb may point more toward the nut on an angle and I'll use the pad of the thumb. Other times the thumb will be wrapping around the neck (usually if I am doing something on the bottom strings).
 
So basically just really pay attention to your thumb and try to apply equal and opposite pressure where needed.
 
Also practice the various modal patterns starting at say the fifth fret or whatever all the way up to the high E, again paying attention to your thumb. You will see this need for equal pressure in the right spot at the right time as you do that. Also doing I III V arpeggios of the 6 string minor barre chord up to the second octave on the high E will really help build up some strength for barre chords (any of them... it's just a good way to build up your squeezing power).
 
So... yeah. Leverage, thumb, strength building. Good luck.

Ima cut back against the grain here...
 
Thanksgiving, fake heart attack, hospitalized kid, un-fake heart attack, Christmas, New Years, blizzard, flu...my world was trying to crash and burn...
 
Dive right into the middle of the biggest pile. Once you knock down the core, the little details left on the fringes, take care of themselves.
 
Your main obstacles early on are finger strength, lack of callouses, dexterity, reach and stretch, and precision. To make this work, you have to Dare to Suck. You will suck way worse on the heavy action acoustic than you will on the light string low action electric, and as long as you don't kill your desire, the more youn suck, the better.
 
Put away the soft stringed, low action, easy to play electric and just play on the acoustic. Not slow easy acoustic music, but electric guitar music, barre chords and lightning leads.
 
Mix it with recorded music, best off if you do it in Sonar, kill yet another bird with one stone, when you're done, you'll have backing tracks, practice files you can flip parts on and off, and arrangements that allow you to communicate and collaborate with other musicians, but you can just play MP3s, Midis, CDs, concert videos, etc, too, just set levels so you can hear you and the part you are trying to learn.
 
Make it music you can't hear enough of...your favorites, and you'll get a feel pretty quick what you have a shot at, for now, and what's beyond your reach. Let the passion drive your achey, burning fingers just a little bit harder than you might covering wedding or elevator music.
 
Open a pipe to Youtube, and plug "Song/Band Name, guitar lesson" into the search box for the oddball fingerings and chords, and have a full time pad of paper and pen near your rig.
 
Build a playlist of 5 or 10 songs you like that aren't too far out of reach. If you're on a PC, make a playlist(s) on Windows Media Player and put a two digit number in the title, like Barre Chords 01.  Picking 01. Lead 01. Right click on the Media Player, scroll down to Enhancements, and get comfy with the Graphic Equalizer  and Play Speed Settings. You will use the EQ to minimize the part you are learning when you have it down well enough that the original is in your way, and you'll use Playback Speed to get to that point quicker.
 
You need the structure of a solid rhythm track, otherwise, the tempo of your playing will be at the mercy of your finger limitations. Start by slowing things down till you have time for a sip of coffee and a smoke between chord changes...you want the moves in brain memory to start out with.
 
Once you remember the fingerings, speed things up a little at a time, till you get to about 125% of normal speed. You WILL be screwing it all up and sound terrible! Headphones lessen inhibition. Dare to Suck!
 
At some point, you're going to EQ the original guitar out of the recorded sound, and take off the headphones, and at this point it's all on you. You have to rock the song by yourself, NOT BLEND IN WITH THE ORIGINAL GUITARIST. You have to show him and the world how IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE.
 
But not today. Today you are the grasshopper, learning respectfully at the feet of the Masters.
 
Now slow it down again and work up thru the speed settings again, but this time, concentrate on making every string ring, AND sound as good as possible. Before you move on, back the speed down to 100% normal and lock THAT timing in for your last take.
 
Take a short break, shake out your hand, and move on to the next song.
 
Your fingers will ache, as will your forearm. Work THRU this. Ache is good! You are straining muscles and tendons, and they will fight back by beefing up, which is exactly what you need.
 
At some point, your fingertips will begin to burn. This is the signal to wind up the practice session. A little bit of friction burn is good, but if you tear the skin, or set conditions for it to split, you will be out for days or weeks. If your tips are a little bruised the next day, practice a little to see if it goes away, but don't push too hard. Go set up another element in your studio or practice rig, listen to some great guitar, whet the appetite for tmorrow.
 
You are deliberately manipulating yourself, both your mind and your body, and as long as you're honest with yourself, manipulation achieves objectives.
 
After practice, drink a glass of milk, eat a vitamin, and rob the old lady for a bit of skin moisturizer for your fingertips. While the moisturizer will temporarily inhibit callous formation, in the long run it will allow you to practice daily without long gaps due to tip damage.
 
Do this for a week, on the acoustic guitar, and then try it on electric. You will amaze yourself and your friends with the progress.
 
Very soon, you will need to have a drum machine and recorder handy when you practice. Ideas will come to you and you will want them logged so you can explore them later, but you don't want to inhibit practice time setting up to log new ideas. A smart phone can serve double duty, and if you have wireless internet, old smart phones are gold. So is a Bluetooth speaker system.  You want to practice in a comfortable setting, save the flying Vanhalen leaps for after the changes and fingerings are locked in muscle memory.
 
I've been told that muscle memory requires 1200 to 3000 iterations of a movement pattern, but never actually counted myself.
 
Happy shredding!

One more thing.
 
See if one or two strings are always the same ones choking off. If so take a look at where those strings are landing on the inside of your index finger.
 
Good chance they are landing right at a finger joint, where you don't have quite as much meat to press down with.
 
Adjust this placement, and remember, you don't have to fret the strings that your other three tips are holding down further up the neck.

I agree it's best to do this kind of thing on an acoustic guitar to learn. Just go slow and steady. Always warm up and stretch. If you start feeling too much pain or if you feel pain/burning in your arms, especially near the elbow joint stop for the day and put an ice pack on the area and/or take an advil.
 
Tendonitis is a bugger. Trust me.

Hi Dub, just my two cents. When I teach people to play guitar, I start with holding the guitar. This doesn't mean an exact position, classical for instance, but holding the guitar in a way that is comftable and most important keeps the guitar secure in that position.  The neck should be in the playing position without using your left hand. If you balance your guitar on your right leg and hold the guitar with your right arm against the lower bout of the guitar and gently push the guitar against your body you've got a rock solid position. By pushing the guitar gently with your right arm and your body as a pivot point your almost pushing the guitar neck into your left hand fingers and you'll need almost no force to play, even barre chords. I usually play with the left hand thumb just lightly touching the back of the neck or even not touching if I want to play vibrato or bend a note.
 
Rik