22b. Level 42 bassist and frontman Mark King is only 2' 11" tall. He has his basses specially made at exactly ⅝ scale to make them easier to 'slap' in his trademark playing style. This is fine in the studio and on video but hard to conceal when the band is live in concert. To these ends he employs illusionists Penn & Teller to set up a magic-inspired stage-set so he actually appears to the audience to be towering above them at a lofty 6' 7".
 
Unfortunately, during one performance in Las Vegas, Penn was struck in the head by Mark's bass and concussed. When he regained consciousness he believed he was performing one of P&T's famous 'Hide the Ball in the jagged Corned Beef Can" trick. Teller immediately tried to stop him using the medium of mime, but due to the abundance of 'dry' ice in the orchestra pit area his message sadly never got through.
 
Mark King now features in the Guinness Book of World Records as the only musician to leave a stage with fewer testicles than he went on with.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
20something. Mick Jagger recently paid £2,225,000 for a facelift. Due to a typographical area at the clinic, and unfortuantely for him, he received a "Keith Richards" instead of a "Cliff Richard".

In 1990, it was rumored that a local bassist, Ned Gerdwaller (aka Jak Hammer), showed up on time, at the right location, with his gear, on the correct night for a gig.  News of this extremely shocking and unprecedented occurance spread throughout the clubbing scene.  Musicians thronged to meet the wunderkind.  Other bassists derided his behavior as "professional".  Max Nunchuck (possibly not his real name), went so far as to accuse Ned of secretly being a guitarist in disguise.

Sadly, Ned's story proved to be an Urban Legend.

 
23. Contrary to popular belief, Kiss bassist and all round superstar Gene Simmons has never worn make-up on stage, or in any of the countless millions of photos and images used in connection with any of Kiss's merchandising products.
 
Sadly disfigured from birth with his 'trademark' facial birthmarks, he was lucky that, when Kiss was in its infancy, Ace, Peter and Paul agreed to wear their bizarre make-up in order that Gene could 'fit in'.
 
Ironically, when Kiss decided to 'man up' and go nekkid for the cover of Crazeeeee Nights, Simmons first attempted to look 'human' by wearing 'normal' make-up himself. However, after just 4 minutes behind the 'mask', he decided that "looking like Ian Hislop in drag" was something he just wasn't comfortable with. He immediately booked in to a 'typographically-challenged' plastic surgery clinic to have his face made permanently 'normal'.
 
Sadly for Gene, Penn & Teller were performing a spontaneous "Inflate the ball by 1500%" illusion in the lobby as he entered.
 
Mr Simmons now appears in the Guinness Book of Bollock-related Records as the proud owner of the world's largest testicles (by both 'weight' and 'dimensions') - an accolade he refuses to confirm, although there are photos circulating the internet showing Gene with a 'lap' - although he is actually standing up at the time.
 
 
 
 
 

 
25. Wings and Beatles legend Paul McCartney isn't really left-handed.
 
He carries the "Ronnie O'Sullivan" gene which allows him to play bass equally badly either way round.
 
He adopted the south-paw style in an attempt to steal the mic from both John and George whenever the occasion cropped up.
 
 

 
27. Planet hugger Sting owns 1,283 Fender 'fretted' basses. But he only appears in videos with his one single 'fretless' model because he is a twat.

 
28. Ozzy Osbourne's passport lists his official occupation as "Speling Bea Champiun"

 
X1. Songwriter Chris Stein had originally and provocatively called his new-wave band 'Brunettie' in a blatant attempt to bed Deborah Harry and "prove him wrong".

 
31. Gene Simmons has his white cotton undershreddies secretly made by Boeing.
 
At this years annual Max Factor staff day-trip to Frinton-on-Sea, Max is quoted as having remarked "Phew, I'm glad we aren't committed to sponsoring his make-up for those two beauties".
 
 
 
 

 
32. A medieval torture device has been created which consists of an upright casket with a hinged lid. Both the inside of the casket and the lid contain inwardly pointing metal spikes that are designed to penetrate the victim's body when the device is closed shut.
 
While being forced to endure hour after hour listening to Bruce Dickinson's version of Phantom of the Opera, Beirut hostage Terry Waite is alleged to have pleaded with his captors that they "Hurry up and close the lid on this damnable Iron Maiden" and to ensure that at least two of the spikes were exactly orientated to enter his ears.
 
 

 
7. In his new car, Bob Dylan has a SatNav system that uses the humorous 'Bob Dylan Voice'.
 
He is currently somewhere in Bolivia en route to his 2004 headlining performance at the 'Lech Walesa Memorial Concert' in Gdansk.

 
XIICVIIDMII. Upon receiving his brand new Precision Bass, Sid Vicious is reported as enquiring "Do I inject this in my arm or do I smoke it?".
 
Impressario and sometime Pistols manager is reported to have replied "No you wanker, that is Nancy".

SteveStrummerUK


 
(2 + 7)² + (18 x 6³). There was, in fact, only ever one Dave Clark.

The man is on a roll
 
Can us colonists get some translations though? 

philz

 
Can us colonists get some translations though? 

是的，當然 - 沒問題菲爾！

 
(Now this one is 100% fact).....
 
 
Dear old 'queen' Freddie Mercury once went to his doctor to find out why he was feeling so poorly.
 
"Well Fred" said his physician, "There's no easy way to break this bad news to you so I'll just come straight out with it - you've got AIDS"
 
"Sheesh" said Freddie "Is there anything you can do?"
 
"Actually there is Fred - tommorow I want you to get up early and eat devilled mushrooms with garlic and sprout stuffing on wholemeal toast for breakfast. Then, for lunch I want you to go to the pub and sink seven pints of Guinness and eat Chili Con Carne, the hotter the better. At about five in the evening, I want you to go to your local curry house and order a Chicken Vindaloo extra spicy with added green chillies. Make certain you sup a few pints of fizzy lager during the meal. After that, I want you to spend the night dancing in your favourite club, but make certain you drink at least ten pints of rough cider and six pints of Banks's mild ale. On the way home, I'd advise that you eat a couple of undercooked cheeseburgers sold from a van owned by an unshaven sweaty illegal Turkish immigrant. Finally, make certain you eat a dodgy Greek doner kebab - no salad, extra chilli sauce - before heading home".
 
"Wow Doc" said Fred, "Will that cure me?"
 
"Sadly no" replied the doctor. "But it sure will teach you what your azzhole is really for".