Sonar colab - Who is I am?

So I work working on a track, the first track I've written and recorded, which got a fair bit of feedback here - http://forum.cakewalk.com/Your-thoughts-please-m3043286.aspx
Since then, both ThePogue (http://forum.cakewalk.com/Profile/42818/) and Paulo (http://forum.cakewalk.com/Profile/36142/) have got involved and moved this on in massive strides.
 
Tom (Pogue) picked this up originally, started with some editing (removing fret noise, fattening guitars, mixing up the 'techno' section) before adding vocals. Paul (Paulo) then jumped in with adding some pretty cool synths, whale noises and some pretty bizarre interesting stuff. Then back to Tom to finish off the vocals.
 
And here we have it....
 
https://soundcloud.com/damien_kelly/who-is-i-am
 
Would be interested to hear your thoughts. Tom/Paul, feel free to add anything I've missed. 
 
 

Lovin' this slightly laid back rock feel. The techno section is an interesting and well-done bridge, and the shout verse is just an awesome jump from the already great previous two sections! Mix is perfect in my ears.
Great collaborative stuff here, this feels like it's something we'd see in a movie, part of a soundtrack. I wanna see how the final tracks look altogether... 

This has the touch of being produced by people who have a good idea what they are doing.  They started with something good to work with with your basic song.  Then working with you added that gloss that extra ears can add to a production.
 
Nice touch of the mark of Distant Towers without making it a Distant Towers song.
 
Good work all round gentlemen.

jamesg1213
that's what it's all about.

The Hokey Pokey is no longer what it's all about?

Late to the party here due to log-in issues. So pleased to see that people are digging this. I loved it as soon as Tom sent me his scratch vocal mix and would like to thank Damien for allowing me to join the ride on this great tune and giving me the opportunity to not only work with someone new, but also to get another chance to work with Tom which should never be refused people. Never ever.

Cool Tune ...loved the Bowie...ish vibe & vocals ...actually had to check to see if this was a Bowie tune.

Nice work guys!  I was able to hear the song early on from Tom and can say it was a solid foundation that they built this thing on.  Fun stuff, love the heavy break near the end and the crazy mutterings as the song rides out.  Very cool stuff, love those lyrics.  The guitars sound great Damien.  The techno section is very neat, I'm a sucker for a song with a cool change up like that.  Congrats on a great collab.

Apologies guys, as Paulo mentioned, been incredibly manic here with work, a daughter who has hit the terrible 2's, a bit of time away and getting marred last week, just haven't had the time to even do any of the fun stuff in life 
 
A massive thank you for all the kind words, notes of encouragement and hints/tips, they are all very much appreciated and certainly inspire to crack on with this musical hobby! As I mentioned, a massive thank you must go to Tom and Paulo for taking this track up a couple of notches. Appreciate the kind words about having a good base for those guys to start on, but the 'techno' middle section was totally transformed by those guys, and you've all heard the magic Tom worked on the vocals.
 

jamesg1213
Love that intro & first verse, had me spellbound. First chorus is pure Zappa. Middle section is jarring, but creative - have to listen to that again to get the gist. Very cool collab guys, that's what it's all about.

alkie
Cool Tune ...loved the Bowie...ish vibe & vocals ...actually had to check to see if this was a Bowie tune.

Beagle
That was completely unexpected! 
I really enjoyed this all the way through!  Damien, Tom & Paulo - excellent work!
 
Love the intro, although it does sound almost exactly like another song I am familiar with (Contemporary Christian artist David Crowder).
 
mix sounds really good all throughout.
 
excellent work gents!

Interesting to hear some of the bits you guys are hearing in there, mention of Bowie and Zappa. Admittedly, not artists I am familiar with (obviously I've heard of both, but could probably only name 5 Bowie songs, if that!). Also mention of David Crowder, not someone I've heard of, but that beginning part originally drew comparisons with Tracy Chapman, although a lot less since Toms vocals were added 
 

Rimshot
Really nice intro - mood and sounds.
I like the last segment as well.  Perhaps there are too many different segments for the song overall.  
Good creativity IMO.  

I did think about whether 3 different sections was too much. This was a totally different way of approaching writing for me. Instead of the usualy verse, verse, bridge, chorus, verse, middle, etc. approach, I had the intro laying around for a couple of years, laid down a couple of other bits, then hacked away with copy and paste for a structure that didn't repeat, that progressed, but still fitted together. It was strange as I took the last section out and it just sounded odd. 2 completely different sections that really should be 2 different songs. Add the last section back in, and it just felt like a complete track then.