You can't do anything about the actions of others. Even when they're your family. Don't let a fragmented family life become the excuse for your pain killer. It's a hard truth, but addiction will play that trick on you. Hit you in your regrets and incomplete spots. Anything in your past that you can't change you should dismiss and wait for for it to come again in it's changed attitude and form and work on it from there. Gettin off dope is going to hit you right where you live, so deal with it by refocusing your attention to the present.

Ben I'm not sure whether you need help with your substance abuse issues or not, only you can decide that.

What I do know however is that you are really going to need an over-riding desire to do so if you do find you have an addiction to drink and/or drugs and the likelyhood of you being able to overcome drink/drug addiction single-handedly is pretty remote if not impossible.

I also know from my own experience, being an alcoholic/addict myself there is a solution that is working for me today as it has worked for the last 23 years in my case.

For me becoming 'bad enough' meant losing a livelihood, a family, a good reputation, my mind, a home in fact pretty much everything I held dear, it had to get that bad for me in order to gain the desperate desire required to go to any lengths to find the solution.  Most afflicted don't get that gift of desperation and the survival rates are pretty low even these days.

Some people I've noticed have a choice of getting off the elevator before it hits bottom, mostly folk don't choose that route until it is either desperate or indeed too late. 

I can tell you now though with no pissing about it is a matter of choice and that choice is always yours, it's never about the pressures of this nor that and every other single cause (read excuse) I've heard over those last 23 years it's always the afflicted persons decision to act.

The principal is dead simple you don't drink or use just for today and you share your thoughts and concerns whilst doing that with somebody else doing the exact same thing.  Do the same thing for a number of days and you'll find you have some clean time, repeat until fade. 

I'm not advocating any single way of acheiving this but the way that's worked for me so long is by belonging to the fellowship of AA you'll likely find a branch locally, she's the lady that brought me back to the dance and I've stayed with her since and she's not let me down once in that time.

So now you know, it's always your choice, and there is a solution if you want it, and I do mean really want it.

Ok I wan't going to post again because, I don't want to get self indulgent.  All the well wishers have made me feel a lot better because sometimes we live in empty times.

As I have stated off to see the shrink as soon as possible, seeing my new Dr.Joan tommorow, she wont hand out valium like lollies trust me.  So as soon as this pack is gone, it's gone for sometime.  Don't worry I can go cold turky.

I drink a little too much, I admit that but nothing that can be called dangerous, you know half a bottle of wine a night in normal circumstances.

Yes I hit the bottle hard a week or two ago, slowing down now back to my half a bottle of wine, we all need something to relax, ye, don't we??

As I said I prefer pot, what is everyones opinion on Pot, bad, not as bad as alcohol, or indiferent???

Trust me I would prefer pot over eveything.

At the moment all I am taking is valium and piss, and as I say it's about to run out.  I've tried everything to understand but have never been adicted to anything apart from a few glasses of wine at night.  I don't wake up with a hangover and I am bright energetic and ready for the day, so I can't be drinking that much piss, yea?

I should put in there that valium is a gutter drug and I always knew that, I only take it when things get like they have been and as I say I am about to run out.

I use a herbal supliment at the moment called damiana, look it up, some of around here should use it.  It's a liver clenser, so it will help with withdrawl symtoms and does, it helps with anxiety and deppresion as well.

So I know I look like a mess and the posts that I have been posting have been eratic to say the least, too much time on my hands makes for the devils work.

But yes I have been silly (see I am and can admit to being a little silly but I promise you I have no addictions), because my sleeping has been erratic.

I've got into some fights and as I say it's a truama thing off to the quack I go.

But I have soo much to live for and do so I don't want to die and if my some queer quirk of fate it happens, I am sorry but maybe the universe is calling and want's me back.  I know that sounds weird but some of you guys call it god, I call it the universe.

No I don't want to die, as I say too much to do.  First business plan, next job interveiw and the list goes on.

I would like some pot but I can't get any and so I'm not addicted to that either.

My days of hell raising are over, you can say I have fallen off the wagon somewhat but I neither need anything like LSD, MDMA, Speed, or anything I've done that boring.

I've just hit the valium and piss too hard and as I say about to run out of valium.

So thank you for all the love but lets leave this one alone because I have heard you and felt the love.

At the moment one of our other brothers is probably in a worse place than me and that is Bub.

Lets look after him now, because if you read his post, I will leave it at that.

As I say we are and I realize this now a large and beautiful nation full of love and yes sometimes misunderstanding.

Thats all I have to say, just realize I have the universe (some may call it god) on my side always have, I have felt the universe by my side since I was 10.  I woke up and I was no longer alone or a little boy.

Ok now I know that sounds weird but some may understand it as wakening, I was 10, just remember I have one really special gift: awareness, doesn't mean doesn't mean I don't do dumb things, just means I know I'm doing dumb things and can and have always pulled my head in.

Ok I've got a hard day today, I can't explain it in words, just that after this the boil will be lanced and then the scary thing of being really alone kicks in.

But as I say lots to do including a job interveiw as a studio assistant on tuesday half the country away.

Lets leave this alone now and think of Bub.

Love ya Neb 

Crg


Damiana is a liver cleanser. Ok... It's also many other things in the realm of chemistry and herbal lore. Off the top of my head it don't mix well with Valium, pot and alcohol. The whole idea of a liver cleanser is that you aren't aren't using the poisons you wish to cleanse any more. Then, in about a two week period, you want to stop using the Damiana, because it is a toxic substance also. Alkoloid. The more complex the mix, the harder the down time. Frayed nerves take time to heal, especially when you're dealing with the brain and it's nerve network. Don't get me wrong, I fully beleive in the power of... changing your mental makeup. But look at the long run and whether you want to ride that ride all the time. We strive to find higher consciousness and mental abilities in this art we practice and seek ways to deal with the pressures and problems that prevent and interfere with our progress. Life gets in the way, we try to cushion the impact of life and sometimes it only adds to the problem.

So you know something of Damiana Craig, I'm putting my hand up and saying I don't read things like instuctions much, I always thought this was one of the good guys and your saying it's not, yea??
 
Let me know I am interested, because I always thought it was one of the good guys, I mean you buy it in the herb shop.
 
Neb

They've banned that(Echinacea) here in Oz people were using it to make speed.

Neb

There are many medicinal herbs for sale off the shelf that have toxic substances in their makeup. Red Clover tea would be much better for your situation.  Good luck.