The Ben thread.

OK serious time.

We all have said to Ben in various threads that he needs to clean up.

Please let this thread be all about helping Ben clean up.

No jokes. No OT. No derailing.

Ben, I want you to clean up. Please consider seeking help, now. I understand the 100 years of living in 40 philosophy (been there, done that) but in the end it's 100 years of false starts and unfinished dreams. And I know this from seeing those at the end of that line.

Please seek help.

What Bapu says. 
You can do it.

I just said as much in another of the Ben threads. We've all had our "character building" moments but it's obvious that this is unfunny and I hope he has friends to nudge him in the right direction.

There are few things more serious than this.  Everybody needs help from time to time and this is one of those times.  Substance abuse is a complex issue, with multiple causes, and it's not something to take lightly.  We all want to see you get healthy.  We all want to see you thrive.  You need some professional help and, as your friends, we are encouraging you to go get it.  You have folks here who will cheer you on, hear you out when you have to vent, and pray for you when it's hard. 

We're just asking you, as your fellow musicians, producers, and friends, to talk to someone and get some help.  We are all here in your corner.

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, but I have to join the chorus.  Please help yourself.  Please find people who will help.  You can do this.  

Clean up today - post tomorrow!

Ben - what they said mate.
Throw yourself into making some music - get some collabs going. I'll do something with you if you're into it. Just get off the slippery slope.

Ben,

Many of us have gone through similar times you are going through right now. It shows completely in the way you communicate and that's really OK. 

As Strummy said, people really do care in this place, and if I lived near you, I would be spending some time with you to try to help. Ultimately though, it has to come from within. I can sense a good intelligence in you, but with nowhere for it to go right now. Concentrate on that, try to find a spiritual side that involves you giving and helping others too if you can, it has a miraculous effect on the psyche. Take care Ben.

Garry

BenMMusTech


Well guys I thank you for the love but I'm not that bad.  Ok you here it all the time I know yes I've been hitting the Valium too hard see I can admit that it's just a phase maybe you can understand when you have too much energy and I have been using every ounce of it lately I just need to switch off. I'm exhausted I've moved to a new city with no help I've now moved twice in three weeks I've walked the length and breadth of Hobart many km so this counters some of the negative effects im very fit  When I'm settled in a few days I will slow down. I've still got so much to do I've got to get my audio gear from half brothers my mother and her husband won't help me and no it's nothing I've done in fact I'm the good son(and what I mean by good son I've done the education thing got work and payed back any money I have lent but because I'm the odd one out I'm treated differently and yes even 2nd best)It's just it's the whole not my child thing and my mother had me when she was 15. She hates my real father who is a real peice of work I won't go into details but he's a bad man so she blames me for her missed opertunities and all she sees is him in me I even said we all need to go to family counseling to no avail and guess what she is a child protection officer. I have given up they are not healthy people. And guess what guys Im off to the shrinks again I'm not a fool not that anyone has said that I am I regularly go to the shrinks but they can't help me I (a run too fast and there is not much you can do about that and)b all the truma mental what do you do about that

But thanks for the love I've got **** loads of work to do a business plan to write and some documents to read hopefully I might be accepted into another course but if you want me to slow my post down let me know and I will

Neb

I can definitely identify with you on the family thing.  I'm close to one brother who lives in another country and would prefer to never speak to my other brother and sister ever again.  Both parents are dead so essentially I have no family.

Just realize that you are your own person and not obligated to make them happy.  It's very empowering.  If they've helped you in the past, and as you say you've paid them back, then it's done - you don't have to keep paying them back forever (metaphorically speaking).

The dangerous thing here is the mixing of scripts with alcohol.  The medication was engineered to work a certain way and not with booze.  It will do strange and bad things to your heart rhythms when you mix them with booze.  Take the meds only as the doctor says to.

I'm keen to see you get though this patch as well Ben.

Hopefully, when you have your new place sorted out in your new city a bit of order will establish itself. I think many University Grads feel apprehension in moving on and facing the world on the world's terms.

There is actually something I can help you with- but you'll need an iLok  A little while ago I accidentally double ordered EastWest FabFour. The second box is sitting gathering dust as I have encountered no worthy recipients. When you settle into your new flat and get an address PM me and I'll mail it over.


One day at a time Neb!

Ben, few things are more true than, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend."  What may appear to you as "wounds" are really indications of genuine care.

As others have said, if you keep going in the direction you are going, there is a very real chance that you will end up accidently killing yourself.

You are worth far more than continuing to go down that road.  Family of origin situations can be a real mess, but even there, your situation is not unique (painful for certain, but not unique).  My own, for the rercord, though different, was that by the time I was 21, every other member of my immediate family had already died.

Expressing and admitting pain is ok, even necessary, it is part and parcel of the human condition.  Burying that pain through drugs, alcohol, or whatever means one chooses is a dead end, sometimes all too literally.

Please get the help you need.

I can see you all deeply care and we are amongst a large nation of friends.

I don't deny that I have been hitting things too hard and this may still not be enough for some my drug of choice is pot I've stoked for 20 odd years. It helps with creativity and it helps slow me down

One quack said I had ADHD and was on dexamphetimines for two years guess what they helped because before that I could not study they reworked my brain and I was able to study after that.  On the down side they did make me even more aggressive but I also gave up piss.  You can't take dexamphtimines and piss.

I came off them after two years cold turkey I can do the cold turky thing.

As I say my brain just runs really fast some of you might get what I am saying.  You wake up and that's it your on no half an hour before you really wake up your just on.

That's why I love pot I was able to even study and lead a pretty normal life no aggressive behaviour and unlike some people on pot no leathagery and my drinking was under control

Another thing and I'm not going to deny that I am not taking risky behaviours but it's only in the last couple of months that I have been going hard.

My dr would give a script of Valium once a month and it might take two or even three months to use it Im not lying.

In fact over summer when I was really vulnerable split ups and bad vibes I took none so this was between November might have been October even to the end of February and I took none.  I hit the bottle a bit too hard but no Valium. 

So yes I am going too hard at the moment but I can go from 100 mph to 0 alright and will have to my new quack won't hand them out like lollies I know that.

As I say I'm off to the shrinks again lots of plans I'm in my new flat it's a bit noisy but I can sound proff it well

Really looking forward to getting back into music I haven't lived alone for a long time so I am looking forward to that aspect as well it really is great to have a space to work where you know you are not going to be disturbed.

At the moment I have to get all my stuff and waiting for the power people to put the power on I don't even have a bed until my stuff gets here.

The funny thing was I get here and I get a job call they won't call back because they thought I was in another city but I'm close.

Also I write on a poetic way and some of you might misinterpreting that.

Or if you think I'm being too aggressive or weird just pm and I will take your advice on board.

I don't have boundaries or that many it's that whole arts thing.

But i see everyone cares and I appreciate it.

Just remember I always know when I need someone to talk to and I always seak out that help.  You have to when your alone in the world.

I'm not depressed or suicidal and in fact think the future is bright it's just that whole turning the brain off.

It's just that boundary thing and thinking your invincible which even I indulge in

I hope you see that I am honest man and as I say if you think I have gone too far just pm and I will listen

This is a large nation and a beautiful one and we have a right to land

Sorry to keep paraphrasing Leonard Cohen

Love Neb

Ben, do yourself the favour and get help.

You really do not know what harm you are doing to your body...I been there. 

Can't add much to the excellent posts above Ben, but I'll just say I've been worrying about you, based on what you reveal about yourself, and I hope you can turn things around.

Ok this is the last post on this thread, You know whats has been doing my head in: My Family, I am trying everything to escape them.  I did it once before and I can do it again.

I tried to do the right thing and after 7 long years reconcile with them bad move, ive always drank a little too much mainly wine experimented and the like but never really heavily.  Im a bit of a control freak and I got too far out of it at one point but pulled my head in and did my study.  Then I hooked up with this borderline personality girl (my diagnosis) and from there hell.

I'm somewhat broke after two weeks and two moves so I needed to get a loan on one of my lesser peices of gear, I have the money to get it back next month but all my stuff is two hundred KM away, so I asked my half bother and that is all he is to get some money so I could get what I needed down yesterday AKA a bed.

No he did'nt do that, I begged his dopey dip**** indolent father who has a van can you please bring me some stuff, I am in agony because my back has started to do funny things like seize up.  NO was the answer, now I know I have anger managment issues, so this is when I lost the plot.

I was really happy and relaxed last night enjoying my new digs and waiting for the cash to turn up in my account so I could get some gear down, here I could not get hold of my brother until after 10 to get an explanation.

Admission:  I had two valium and a glass or two of wine, this is my allowed dosage but when I found out what had gone on my adrenalinewent through the roof and I needed more to calm down.

So as I have stated what do you do when this sort of **** happens, you remove the problem from your life!!  But this is not nice easy surgery this is like having you appendix removed with whisky as anesthetic.  I don't care about the family, they lost the right of my care a long time ago.

They have all my stuff including my 3000 dollars of compressor, all my work, literally 20,000 dollars worth of stuff and all I want is it back.

I even begeed the person I hate the most my mothers dopy dippy indolent husband and I mean begged for help.  NO

This is what is causing the stress.

I have said, I am off to the quacks next week, I always go to a Dr when I know things are a little out of control.

I am removing the boil from life that is my "family" I take herbal relaxents too, some should try damiana.

As I say guys thanks for the love but even though it may not seem it I am in control, it's just when I get into these situations that I get out of control.  I understand the mechanisims you piss me off and I need to be able to relax and I struggle, so off to the shrinks we go.

I'm in a ggod place as long as I can find away to make some coffee, no cup no saucepan, so no coffeee.

I've got work to get on with writing a businnes plan and finding some music tech documents to read for my M.Phill appication.

So once again thanks for the love, but just remember I know where I am, yes I am driving down the road 90mph in a 60 zone but I will get there because as I said, in a previous post the universe loves me and has already seen I might need a little help, in the way of a job interveiw next week.

I hope all that made sense, love Neb

The moral of the story because some of you haveing been reading my posts on this thread is