Crg
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/07 19:03:17
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Tell her you're a Pod Person and cannibalism is against your religion.
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Karyn
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/07 20:19:45
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UbiquitousBubba
Anyone? Hello? Did anyone see what Bapu did with my becan? Somebody count my cheese slices!
Mmm.. one... yumm yumm.. two... munch... three... munch... chew... phoor... **cough**
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Old55
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/07 21:24:26
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Bubba, are you able to do any negotiating?
+1 on Bill's comment. My thought is that a drastic change like this might be a shock to your system. I've been eating more veggies and just incorporating them into my regular diet. I heard someone suggest "meatless Mondays" as a start. It may have been Dr. Oz. If you can do that and then maybe add another day at a time, it might not be so painful.
I've had some vegan meals and some are very good. Someone else mentioned that the various "substitutes" won't fool anyone, but they can taste pretty good, too. The meals I've had at a local restaurant were both tasty and filling.
Also, be careful what you substitute. Karen brought up sugar. Anything that's packaged or canned is likely to have too much sugar or high fructose corn syrup and too much salt. None of these are what you want to be eating even if it is technically vegan.
For the moment, I'm not doing the vegan thing. I've have a situation where I need to have iron in my diet, so I'm still doing the occasional meal with meat. I'd like to cut down some more, I'm just going to ease into it a little more slowly than you're mandate requires.
Good luck,
Jan
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Guitarhacker
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/07 21:34:35
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So.... I have a question. Has your wife read about Wheat grass juicing yet? I hear its really tasty stuff and good for ya too. Kinda tastes like the mud.... and the grass from a heavily used cow pasture.... but better. Point her to that web site and let her read.
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 09:24:18
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Note to self: Point at least one missle towards Guitarhacker's house before pressing the Big Red Button.
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 09:45:57
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UbiquitousBubba
Note to self: Point at least one missle towards Guitarhacker's house before pressing the Big Red Button.
B ig Red Button? E ven you C an A agree N ot to do this? 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 09:46:41
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Well, I woke up this morning and frantically checked my phone to see if I had somehow managed to oversleep by 3 or more weeks. After a few minutes of quiet sobbing, I went on to face this miserable existence.
I must admit, my dirt and arsenic burrito last night was not quite as bad as I had expected. Day 2 is upon me. No one expected me to last this long.
I had to have a moment of silence this morning as I opened the refrigerator and saw it. It's too horrible to say out loud. I saw the empty space where my becan used to be. After several minutes of cradling what was left of my cheese after Karyn "counted" slices, I put it back and closed the refrigerator door. Knowing that this would be the high point of my day, I reluctantly steeled myself for another day of abject suffering and torment.
Last night, I dreamed that my internal organs climbed out. They beat me and strangled me. They had to move quickly, since some of them smelled like becan. I got most of them back by morning. My liver was last seen in a cardboard box under an overpass. It had a sign that read, "Will filter harmful substances from blood for becan." I wondered how it had written this, did the kidneys have anything to do with it, and did the sign actually work? If so, how much becan had it collected?
Someday, I'm going to have to take my subconscious out for a good cleaning.
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Old55
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 10:13:53
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You can do this.
Is complete vegan, or are you allowed to be in the same county as eggs, cheese, or milk?
You may not want to do this, but you can do this.
Keep up the whinging. You're very creative and entertaining with it--and if it gives you a productive outlet for your frustrations we're here to help you vent.
Good luck.
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 10:19:32
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By the way, I went out last night and attempted to recover some of my becan. I knew Strummy had a stockpile, so I attempted to sneak in. The hop across the pond took a while, but I used that time to plan and gear up.
Night vision goggles, grease paint, camoflage undershreddies, etc. The flight attendant gave me some grief when I finished changing. Anyway, upon arrival, I hailed a cab and took a circuitous route to Sir Strummy's fortress. The cabbie seemed to take offense when I offered to pay him in beads, so I finally had to give him some cash to shut him up. I'm not sure what he was saying since he was speaking some strange language I assumed was British.
Once he drove away, I slipped over the wall and crept carefully across the lawn. There was a tense moment when I tripped over a lawn gnome, but I don't think anyone heard. I noticed a small herd of sheep in a pen behind the house, but I didn't grasp the significance at first. The name on the door read, "O'Brien", which I thought was odd.
As quiet as a walrus on bubble wrap, I climbed in through an open window. It didn't take long to find the kitchen. Nearly giddy with excitement, I rummaged through the refrigerator looking for becan. There was none.
None.
Dumbfounded, I closed the door and looked into the faces of the O'Briens. They didn't look anything like Strummy's avatar, so I realized that I must have ended up in the wrong house. There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch beyond time itself.
Ever the resourceful opperative, I quickly decided to pose as a Frenchman who had somehow gotten lost in their refrigerator. The key is to have a believable cover story, you know. As I began to speak, however, I remembered that I don't actually know much French. I don't think they noticed. I used all the French I knew. "Croissant" (pronounced "Kress Ent"), "Au Revoir" (pronounced "A River"), "Soup Du Jour" (pronounced "Soop Doo Jer"), and "Eiffel Tower" (pronounced "Eyeful Tao Where").
There was a momentary pause as Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien looked at me, and then at each other. They were obviously aware that my French was a little off. They reached the obvious conclusion that I must be Belgian. They made me a waffle. It was good, even if there was no becan.
I made my way back to the airport only to discover that I had landed in Ireland by mistake. "Close enough" I said. There's always tomorrow night...
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Mesh
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 10:23:23
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UbiquitousBubba
Someday, I'm going to have to take my subconscious out for a good cleaning.
 Speaking of cleaning......what's even more fearful is when you have to get that "age appropriate" mandatory colonoscopy done...( Shriek..... Shriek...... Shriek.....psycho theme music playing....).
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Old55
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 10:38:22
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Mesh
UbiquitousBubba
Someday, I'm going to have to take my subconscious out for a good cleaning.
Speaking of cleaning......what's even more fearful is when you have to get that "age appropriate" mandatory colonoscopy done...(Shriek.....Shriek......Shriek.....psycho theme music playing....).
I found the preparation to be worse that the actual procedure. They gave me some "twilight" sedative that didn't quite knock me out--I was awake, but I didn't really worry about what was going on. So, the actual test wasn't all that bad. The worst part was having to drink a gallon of stuff that tastes like lemonade may with sea water. Then stuff suddenly wants out while you're trying to drink the remainder of it. No fun at all.
post edited by Old55 - 2011/06/09 12:46:07
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 10:46:39
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There's only so much suffering a person can take. The excess just washes over them and is wasted. For this reason, I expect that my Psychotic Butchers (Doctors) will wait to demand such a sacrifice until everything else is fine. That way, I can experience the full weight of the horror.
Wouldn't want to miss out of any of the agony.
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Old55
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 10:52:31
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UbiquitousBubba
There's only so much suffering a person can take. The excess just washes over them and is wasted. For this reason, I expect that my Psychotic Butchers (Doctors) will wait to demand such a sacrifice until everything else is fine. That way, I can experience the full weight of the horror.
Wouldn't want to miss out of any of the agony.
That's the spirit. 
Should auld acquaintance be forgot--hey, who the hell are you guys? X2(X3 pending hardware upgrade), Emulator X2, E-mu 1212M, Virtual String Machine
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 11:06:43
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Oh, for those who have asked, there were some high level negotiations held. Unfortunately, I was not invited to the proceedings, but I heard they were productive.
The focus of this diet is "no animal products". No meat and no dairy. Ho Ho's are frowned upon. As a concession to me, primarily to make me shut up, I'm allowed to have bread. I was told that normally, wheat would be off the list. Funny. I used to live on a farm. I never knew wheat was an animal.
Thanks to the inclusion of bread, I can encase my leafy miasma of Death in a sandwich, thus attempting to make it edible. Once they see me meekly tolerating this atrocity, however, I suspect that the bread will be the next thing to go.
I have to get ahold of this book my wife was reading. I can't remember who wrote it. I think it was by Hitler, Stalin and/or Bin Laden, though.
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Jonbouy
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 11:52:01
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Aha, I just worked out the significance of 21 days on this diet.
21 days on a caterpillar diet is just enough to get Bubba to pupate, turn into a chrysalis, or whatever that caterpillary thing is that they do. This means that afterward Mrs Bubba gets a good slice of some 'me' time before Bubba emerges as the Ubiquitous Butterfly/Moth type thingy and the wind overpowers his pathetic efforts at something resembling flight and he lands in a cabbage patch several hundred miles from home.
Possibly.
"We can't do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves" - Banksy
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 11:58:43
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UbiquitousBubba
By the way, I went out last night and attempted to recover some of my becan. I knew Strummy had a stockpile, so I attempted to sneak in. The hop across the pond took a while, but I used that time to plan and gear up.
Night vision goggles, grease paint, camoflage undershreddies, etc. The flight attendant gave me some grief when I finished changing. Anyway, upon arrival, I hailed a cab and took a circuitous route to Sir Strummy's fortress. The cabbie seemed to take offense when I offered to pay him in beads, so I finally had to give him some cash to shut him up. I'm not sure what he was saying since he was speaking some strange language I assumed was British.
Once he drove away, I slipped over the wall and crept carefully across the lawn. There was a tense moment when I tripped over a lawn gnome, but I don't think anyone heard. I noticed a small herd of sheep in a pen behind the house, but I didn't grasp the significance at first. The name on the door read, "O'Brien", which I thought was odd.
As quiet as a walrus on bubble wrap, I climbed in through an open window. It didn't take long to find the kitchen. Nearly giddy with excitement, I rummaged through the refrigerator looking for becan. There was none.
None.
Dumbfounded, I closed the door and looked into the faces of the O'Briens. They didn't look anything like Strummy's avatar, so I realized that I must have ended up in the wrong house. There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch beyond time itself.
Ever the resourceful opperative, I quickly decided to pose as a Frenchman who had somehow gotten lost in their refrigerator. The key is to have a believable cover story, you know. As I began to speak, however, I remembered that I don't actually know much French. I don't think they noticed. I used all the French I knew. "Croissant" (pronounced "Kress Ent"), "Au Revoir" (pronounced "A River"), "Soup Du Jour" (pronounced "Soop Doo Jer"), and "Eiffel Tower" (pronounced "Eyeful Tao Where").
There was a momentary pause as Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien looked at me, and then at each other. They were obviously aware that my French was a little off. They reached the obvious conclusion that I must be Belgian. They made me a waffle. It was good, even if there was no becan.
I made my way back to the airport only to discover that I had landed in Ireland by mistake. "Close enough" I said. There's always tomorrow night...
Seems to me that you broke into the servant's quarters by mistake Bubba. They are not allowed becan, although to give them an idea of how delicious it is, I do let them occasionally lick my prize porker.
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 12:37:04
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I'm sure you also give them a sound thrashing just in case they feel the impulse to nibble a little.
For some reason, Master of Puppets comes to mind...
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Jonbouy
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 13:06:28
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SteveStrummerUK
They are not allowed becan, although to give them an idea of how delicious it is, I do let them occasionally lick my prize porker.
That post left a nasty taste in m mouth.
"We can't do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves" - Banksy
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 13:10:47
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You're supposed to wash it off first, JB. Hope that helps.
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Bub 
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 13:12:39
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57Gregy
I don't know if you are really a fat, somewhat formless gelatinous lump of flab or how old you are, but if any of that is even close to the truth, don't wait too long.
My oldest brother got so big and had bad knees from his football days that he can't exercise, and can't lose much weight. His pretty strict diet only keeps him from gaining. Not to mention the heart attack and diabetes. He turned 61 this year and weighs about 400 pounds.
That's actually encouraging. At least now I know it's possible to live that long being 400 pounds. That's far longer than I ever thought I'd make it. Thanks for cheering me up Greg. 
"I pulled the head off Elvis, filled Fred up to his pelvis, yaba daba do, the King is gone, and so are you."
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57Gregy
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/08 22:10:39
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You're welcome, Bub. There's always liposuction.
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 05:50:37
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Jonbouy
SteveStrummerUK
They are not allowed becan, although to give them an idea of how delicious it is, I do let them occasionally lick my prize porker.
That post left a nasty taste in m mouth.
That's the least of their worries. They normally create about the constant grunting and the revolting stench.
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Wookiee
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 06:50:51
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Chins up Bubba look at it this way vegetable mater is only unprocessed meat. You are just be environmentally conscious by bypassing the processing you are doing your bit in controlling where the gasses are emitted.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
Karma has a way of finding its own way home.
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Karyn
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 07:48:40
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57Gregy
You're welcome, Bub.
There's always liposuction.
THAT leaves a nasty taste in the mouth... 
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Beagle
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 09:02:30
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 09:43:28
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Some people will do anything to save a little money.
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Bub
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 14:34:54
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57Gregy
You're welcome, Bub.
There's always liposuction.
I think I'll just let nature takes it's course. I've had enough .
"I pulled the head off Elvis, filled Fred up to his pelvis, yaba daba do, the King is gone, and so are you."
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/09 14:38:22
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Bub
57Gregy
You're welcome, Bub.
There's always liposuction.
I think I'll just let nature takes it's course. I've had enough.
Smallest link ever!!
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Old55
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/11 21:17:41
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Hanging in there, Bub? I hope so.
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Bub
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Re:Worst Timing In History!!!! :(
2011/06/11 23:30:46
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Old55
Hanging in there, Bub? I hope so.
Thanks for asking. Yep, I'm hangin' in there. It keep telling myself it could be a lot worse. :)
"I pulled the head off Elvis, filled Fred up to his pelvis, yaba daba do, the King is gone, and so are you."
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