space_cowboy
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musician jokes
young boy "mommy when i grow up I wanna be a musician!"
Mother "well son you are going to have to chose. you cant do both."
next?
Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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daryl1968
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 20:22:27
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My mate left his accordian on the back seat of his unlocked car the other day
when he came back he had 2 accordians
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jbow
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 21:25:25
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How do you get a musician off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
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space_cowboy
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 21:27:25
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Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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space_cowboy
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 21:28:50
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i miss the far side
and firesign theater
Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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bapu
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 21:43:41
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I suppose the firesign theater is now on the far side.
Serendipity.
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craigb
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 22:37:30
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What did the drummer get on his SAT test?
Drool.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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craigb
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 22:39:50
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Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Marcus Curtis
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 23:18:21
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Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They won't touch anything electric.
Q: How do you make a banjo players car more aerodynamic? A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.
Q: How do you know it's a singer at the door? A: He doesn't know when to come in.
A guy walks into a fingerstyle guitar convention, picks up a guitar and begins to play. He plays so beautifully that before he has finished the song, he has attracted a crowd of fingerstlye guitarist onlookers.
"What is that strange tuning?!" he is asked.
"EADGBE" he replies.
http://www.marcuscurtismusic.com/ Windows 10 ultimate, Sonar Platinum, AMD Phenom 2 x6 1075T processor 3.00 GHz, (6 cores) 8 gigs of Ram, Audio interfaces=VS-100, Pod X3 live pro, Boss GT-100, Boss GP10 Midi Controllers=Edirol PCR 800, roland GR-55. Ozone 7, Podfarm, Th2 Full Version, Melda, True Pianos Full Version, and a whole bunch of free VST plugins which can be found through my site.
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Marcus Curtis
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/18 23:28:52
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[color=#800000 size=3 font="comic sans ms"] Q:[size=3 font="comic sans ms"] What's the difference between a guitar player and a certificate of deposit? A:[size=3 font="comic sans ms"] The CD will eventually mature and make money.
http://www.marcuscurtismusic.com/ Windows 10 ultimate, Sonar Platinum, AMD Phenom 2 x6 1075T processor 3.00 GHz, (6 cores) 8 gigs of Ram, Audio interfaces=VS-100, Pod X3 live pro, Boss GT-100, Boss GP10 Midi Controllers=Edirol PCR 800, roland GR-55. Ozone 7, Podfarm, Th2 Full Version, Melda, True Pianos Full Version, and a whole bunch of free VST plugins which can be found through my site.
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craigb
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 03:23:01
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I always carry a pair of drumsticks in my car. If I can't find a decent parking spot, I just throw them on the dash and use a handicap spot.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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craigb
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 03:27:29
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Q: – What’s the most common thing said to a bass player in a 3-piece suit?
A: – "Will the defendant please rise"
Q: What's the difference between a girl singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Linear Phase
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 04:32:38
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How do you get a guitar player to turn down? Pass him the sheet music..
too many lasers...  Sonar = audio editing ninja of a music software!
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Kalle Rantaaho
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 05:28:26
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How do you know if the stage is levelled (important info for the crew piling up the cabin towers)?
The drummer is drooling from both corners of his mouth.
Due to a shipwreck a bold team of musicians has endured on a deserted island for years. One day they get lucky, and find an oil lamp. Of course, rubbing it makes the genie show up. How come, the genie, gratefull for the liberation from his inprisonment promises to fullfill one wish for each of the guys.
So, speaks the guitarist:" I miss my dear wife and my children so. I wish to get back to them as soon as possible!" Whooooshh! Vanishes the guitarman.
The drummer:" I sort of, you know, miss the local pub and the ladies, you know,..I'd really like to get back to my favourite pub..." Whoooosh! Vanishes the drummer.
And so on...All the guys wish to get back to their own neighbourhood, families etc. Last in the line is the bass guitarist. "So...you're the last..What do you wish, my master?"
Standing alone on the empty beach goes the bassist: "Well...you know....I...I want my buddies back!"
SONAR PE 8.5.3, Asus P5B, 2,4 Ghz Dual Core, 4 Gb RAM, GF 7300, EMU 1820, Bluetube Pre - Kontakt4, Ozone, Addictive Drums, PSP Mixpack2, Melda Creative Pack, Melodyne Plugin etc. The benefit of being a middle aged amateur is the low number of years of frustration ahead of you.
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Bristol_Jonesey
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 06:55:34
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How do you know if it's a drummer knocking on your door?
The knocks speed up/slow down
What do you call a guy who hangs around with the band?
A drummer
CbB, Platinum, 64 bit throughoutCustom built i7 3930, 32Gb RAM, 2 x 1Tb Internal HDD, 1 x 1TB system SSD (Win 7), 1 x 500Gb system SSD (Win 10), 2 x 1Tb External HDD's, Dual boot Win 7 & Win 10 64 Bit, Saffire Pro 26, ISA One, Adam P11A,
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Beagle
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 07:31:44
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why does the singer stand on the front porch of her own house without going in?
she can't find the key.
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craigb
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 09:32:57
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What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? "Hey guys, I have an idea for a song!"
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Old55
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 10:16:26
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A group was on safari in the jungle when they heard drums playing. Their guide says, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
The safari members pick up the pace.
Their guide repeats, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
They pick up the pace even more. Imaginations race. Could they be cannibals or head-hunters?
The drums are getting louder and faster. Their guide repeats, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
Finally, one of the group members asks, "What happens when the drums stop?"
The guide says, "Bass solo."
Should auld acquaintance be forgot--hey, who the hell are you guys? X2(X3 pending hardware upgrade), Emulator X2, E-mu 1212M, Virtual String Machine
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bapu
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 10:44:52
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Old55
A group was on safari in the jungle when they heard drums playing. Their guide says, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
The safari members pick up the pace.
Their guide repeats, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
They pick up the pace even more. Imaginations race. Could they be cannibals or head-hunters?
The drums are getting louder and faster. Their guide repeats, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
Finally, one of the group members asks, "What happens when the drums stop?"
The guide says, "Bass solo."
Bwaaaah Haaaaa Haaaaaaa!!!!!
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craigb
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 11:05:51
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Old55
A group was on safari in the jungle when they heard drums playing. Their guide says, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
The safari members pick up the pace.
Their guide repeats, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
They pick up the pace even more. Imaginations race. Could they be cannibals or head-hunters?
The drums are getting louder and faster. Their guide repeats, "Must hurry. We must leave before drums stop!"
Finally, one of the group members asks, "What happens when the drums stop?"
The guide says, "Bass solo."
Oooo! A new one! Me likey!
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Moshkiae
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 13:58:00
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bapu
I suppose the firesign theater is now on the far side.
Serendipity.
One of them, anyway! Just got their license plate frame to put on my car ... and ... bummer ... the bumper sticker is wong! It says bus, but I have a car, not a bus!
As a wise Guy once stated from his holy chapala ... none of the hits, none of the time ... prevents you from becoming just another turkey in the middle of all the other turkeys!
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Moshkiae
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/19 14:01:23
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craigb
I always carry a pair of drumsticks in my car. If I can't find a decent parking spot, I just throw them on the dash and use a handicap spot.
As do I ... and every favorite song on the stereo gets the snare drum treatment on my steering wheel!
As a wise Guy once stated from his holy chapala ... none of the hits, none of the time ... prevents you from becoming just another turkey in the middle of all the other turkeys!
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Guitarhacker
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 08:06:59
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How do you get two trumpet players to play in tune?
shoot one of them.
My website & music: www.herbhartley.com MC4/5/6/X1e.c, on a Custom DAW Focusrite Firewire Saffire Interface BMI/NSAI "Just as the blade chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer "
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samhayman
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 08:26:17
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Q. What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine?
A. A flat minor
Q. What do you get if you drop a piano in a military base?
A. A flat major
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ProjectM
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 08:37:14
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What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range
Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who can play accordian but chooses not to.
how many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- five.
one to do it, and four to say "I can do that, but faster!"
(Sonar Platinum - Win10 x64) - iMac and 13" MacBook - Logic Pro X ++ - UA Apollo Twin DUO - NI Maschine MKII - NI Komplete Kontrol S61 - Novation Nocturne - KRK Rokit 6 SoundcloudNegative Vibe Records
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ProjectM
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 08:39:36
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This one is cool!
I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a
rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making
mistakes.
“When you’re too dumb to play anything,” the professor
conducting us sneered, “they give you a couple of sticks,
put you in the back, and call you a percussionist.”
A friend next to me whispered, “And if you’re too dumb to
hang on to both sticks, they take one away, put you in the
front, and call you a conductor.”
(Sonar Platinum - Win10 x64) - iMac and 13" MacBook - Logic Pro X ++ - UA Apollo Twin DUO - NI Maschine MKII - NI Komplete Kontrol S61 - Novation Nocturne - KRK Rokit 6 SoundcloudNegative Vibe Records
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samhayman
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 10:55:10
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ProjectM
This one is cool!
I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a
rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making
mistakes.
“When you’re too dumb to play anything,” the professor
conducting us sneered, “they give you a couple of sticks,
put you in the back, and call you a percussionist.”
A friend next to me whispered, “And if you’re too dumb to
hang on to both sticks, they take one away, put you in the
front, and call you a conductor.”
HAHA!!! Good one!! 
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Jonbouy
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 11:07:45
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Epitaph on a Blues singers headstone.
"I didn't wake up this morning!"
"We can't do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves" - Banksy
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JohnoL
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 11:33:20
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What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
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57Gregy
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Re:musician jokes
2012/08/20 11:59:32
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A drummist and bassist were sitting in a car going nowhere.
They were both waiting for the other one to start.
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