GMMDI - F/ Alan Keillor & Sophie Beraud (update)

That's right denizens of the underworld. An all new version, this time with Alan (Alkie) on vox.

Alan has amazing projection and this song has gone to a whole new level. It is very much a concept album tune, a la "Chess" or others of its kind (think Tim Rice). There are still a few rough spots to iron out, but for the most part, this is the complete arrangement for this version of the song (I have to redo the last phrase as I still stumble on it but that's about it).

I am not sure if Alan is too far out front at the moment... its hard to judge now as I have been mixing for so long I'm loosing my objectivity. Let me know what needs to be done.

It is a bit quiet (lots of dynamics). I have not "mastered" it yet (those tools are not installed yet as I have to jump through a lot of convoluted hoops to get re-authorized after an install and have been putting it off - no its not a cake product) but when I do, it should warm it up a bit and even it out while boosting the volume.

(UPDATE) - I gave Alan more of a Solo role, particularly near the beginning, and added a small effect (stereo delay at 1/8t with some cut to mids and a we boost in the highs and lows of his voc track to add some sparkle). I have also added a minimalist version where the piano is mostly stripped away and the song is carried by the strings and vocals. for some reason, this version feels a bit lifeless. Not sure why.

Lead vocals: Alan Keillor
Background vocals: Shad Young & Sophie Beraud
Instruments, Music, & lyrics: Shad Young

God Made Me Do It - F/ Alan Keillor

==========
Liar,
killer,
con man,
never showing mercy.

God said,
do it.
I did.
Promised me a mighty Kingdom.

Wealth and power.
Ivory tower.
Came to me, I had a waking dream.

Made me do it,
does it really mean a thing?
 
Maybe God is wise.
Maybe God is strong.
If He loves me all that much, then,
why make me do wrong?

(Verse two)
White Knight.
Gods hand.
Judgment.
A man begging on his knees.

Burning crosses
Holy War
God made me do it, said that's what he wanted.
All he wanted.

What he told me.
Told me what he wanted me to do.

=============

Cheers
Shad

I dig!  I do think that the syllable count and emphasis need to be thought through a little more. You can run through the lyrics in a sing-songy quasi-melody and pick out parts that don't flow, such as...

Crusades and pogroms
inquisitions and trials
God made me do it
he gave me a mission

White knights, burning crosses
a scared man on his knees
god made me do it
I saw it in a vision

It would probably flow better as...

Crusades and pogroms
inquisitions and trials
God made me do it
he gave me a mission

White knights, burning crosses 
scared man on his knees
god made me do it
I saw it envisioned

There are more stumbles such as that which I'm sure you'll find. Also, though it's a personal preference, I'd recommend changing "taint." As legit a word as it is, it's a sort of antiquity that may clash in lyric if used as the main driving word, the end rhyme. YMMV.

Good luck - you're off to a great lyrical start! Now grab a melody and run! Cheers.

FWIW, I think I prefer Shad's vibe ...

Liar and a thief
mercenary and a Killer
God made me do it
and they made me a king

Wealth and power
Lust and Greed
God made me do it
so it don't mean a thing

(perfect, IMHO)

The 'question' in the bridge may confuse, IMHO. ... But depending on the vox-delivery I guess.

But (for me) I'd consider other graphic words: Hypocrite, money, murder, liar, freak(y), demented, torture, etc. ... in the verses, too.  If its hard-rap especially.

If words are 'sung' and the chorus-1st half lyrics aren't simplified (2-3 syllable words) it may become garble (for me and a *pop-bimbo audience*) as a chorus hook.  I guess much depends on the vocal delivery, though, and your target audience. 

Methinks, I'd start with 'Foxwolfen' rap and a 'Foxwolfen' trance beat.  Melodic words may spring up.

I'm not sure how you feel about auto-tune and voxcoders ... but I personally think it helps complex words sound extremely beautiful.

I'm absolutely certain you'll get this right with a few mock-up takes and such.  Just get some recordings going

(it may be possible to use the squeeky sore throat, even ... and/or drink a lot of lukewarm water and juicy fruits (SANS coffee) between takes). 

Some words don't exhibit a natural melodic sound, taint, is one of these. Here's a quick little re-write I did, killin some time here. Religious type may take issue with the "God could be" but I was feeling some sort of struggle in your orginal lyrics with the "but commands "do wrong"? question pointed at the listener. These kind of very 'personal' lyrics can be tough to interpret and it's a touchy subject as well. I find alternative ideas can never hurt a writer so might be something useful here. I like your lyrics, pretty solid.


(Verse 1)
Liar and thief
A taker of life
God made me do it
they made me a king

Wealth and the power
of lust and Greed
God made me do it 
Does it mean a thing?

(Bridge)
God could be Great
God could be Strong
God loves us all
but commands we do wrong?

(Chorus)
Prudence and Justice
temperance restrained 
words without meaning
covered and stained

Courage and faith, 
The desire for clarity 
a theory of substance
is a modern rarity

(Verse 2)

Repression and torture
bearing false witness
God made me do it
I conquered a nation

The Fear and the loathing
pride and pomposity
God made me do it 
empowered my station

(Bridge)
God could be Great
God could be Strong
God loves us all
but commands we do wrong?

(Chorus)
Prudence and Justice
temperance restrained 
words without meaning
covered and stained

Courage and faith, 
The desire for clarity 
a theory of substance
is a modern rarity

(Verse 3)

Crusaders and pogroms
inquisitions and trials
God made me do it 
Sent me on a mission

The crosses are burning
a glow through the trees
God made me do it
it came in a vision

(Bridge)
God could be Great
God could be Strong
God loves us all
but commands we do wrong?

(Chorus)
Prudence and Justice
temperance restrained 
words without meaning
covered and stained

Courage and faith, 
The desire for clarity 
a theory of substance
is a modern rarity
(Chorus)
Prudence and Justice
A truth that is named
by words without meaning
covered and stained

Courage and faith, 
Searching for clarity 
the idea of substance
is a modern rarity

Ed... I try to help a brother out, and you just have to piss in my corn flakes and one-up me.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



Seriously... You rock. *coughlet'sdoanothersongcough*

WOW!. Amazing lyrics Shad. You have so much creativity and imagination. I could'nt come up with anything like this if i had years to do it. 

Looking forward to hearing how the music develops for these lyrics.

Philip - Thanks for your feedback. I agree that a lot of this song will depend on the way it is delivered. I like vocorder, but I do not have one (only some poor emulations)

Rich - One of the most frustrating things I had to try to communicate to a singer recently was that the lyrics did not always fit the music he wanted and it became forced. He insisted that the lyrics we're perfect and refused to acknowledge that there were significant cadence issues between the lyrics and the music. After a while I just gave up.

The lesson in that was that nothing can be written in stone. Lyrics or music must change and adapt to the needs of the song. If we try to lock one or the other in, something will suffer. So, the lyrics are very much only a draft, and very much subject to change. The idea behind them, the message conveyed can be maintained and that is what is important.

I have a style in mind - A Gershwin/Sati blend of piano and strings (inspired by Janet). I have the basic verse melody built.

Ed - holy cow - amazing. You have added some polish to the song in a big way. I am really kind of stunned at how well your version flows. I like all of it, and you were right that I was struggling with the God command thing. The only part I may not keep, though I like it, is the clarity part as it changes the intent too much.

James - A realist knows that it is far to early in the process to know whether I can make a decent song out of this or not. Frankly, I am surprised by your lack of imagination. I already have a melody for the verse, and its nothing like "Children's Crusade".

Philip (again) - I do agree that one part changed the intent a bit too much, but that may be unavoidable, and it may change again to something else as the song progresses. The song dictates its needs, not me.

John - Thank you. I sincerely doubt it would take you that long to write some lyrics. I am hoping you will have some feedback or ideas on the melody when I send it.

Philip Wrote:


Ed!
 
... you tamed the razor sharp Foxwolfen chorus (and the bridge) into a charming theory for college professors.  I'm spaced-out with amazement.
 
That took a lot of courage and thoughtfulness, methinks.  Wow! 
 
If he goes with your version I hope he employs a vocoder to beautify the pondering aesthetics.
 
I love "covered and stained" or possibly: ... "so bloody stained" ... or "bloodily stained"
 
But Shad's ...
 
"Courage, faith,
hope and charity"
 
... strikes a home run for me, big time ... strait out of the KJV ... also the bloodiest struggle in my heart.  Respectfully, I hope Shad does not water it down to:
 
"The desire for clarity 
a theory of substance "
 
(OTOH, Ed, your productions are so breathtaking and excellent ... the best of the best, IMHO.) 

 
Thanks Philip, yeah, I tossed around 'covered in stains' as well. 'Bloody' conjurs up some pretty heavy images, it's success would most likely depend on the delivery/production. I like hope and charity as well, I had some problems with that section though.
 
Courage, faith, ---- good stuff
hope and charity ---- good stuff
ideas whose substance ---- This line seems overly wordy to me, especially from a vocal perspective, and I'm not sold on courage,faith,hope and charity all being "ideas"per sey. The word "substance" isn't really exciting me much either, feels a bit .... clinical.
is a modern rarity ---- great concept, the word rarity does bug me a bit. The rhyme feels a bit too 'planned' if that makes sense. These aren't  Rhyming 101 though. Ideally, you'd want to find a smoother way of saying it while keeping the content poignant.
 
I did hit a stumbling block in that section and I agree Shad's lyrics have more bite there.
You could spent quite awhile tweaking this one Shad. You have  a great, solid base to work from though.

LOL, sorry Kevin, I'll send you a gallon of replacement milk. I actually didn't read the posts until afterwards

 

Slowwwww heheh (but that just may be a reflection on my piano skills).

And you are right, the ity is problematic.

I need to rethink that whole verse.

Inspired by this Janet?  Well, cool!  That would be fun to put to music actually.  Just singing through it I can see a few challenges, but not over-comeable.  (Yes, I know that's not a word, but I think it says what I want to say.) :-) 

Just to let you know I'm lurking this thread with great interest. Satie and Gershwin? Hmmmm.

foxwolfen


John - Up to some bass work?

 
 
Yep i'll give it a go. guitar or synth?

Shad - I love this - you are so talented - you put out some of the most interesting music.

Fantastic.

OK, so I didn't hear vocals which means that the words are here but not the singer.  That's cool!  I think the music is great.  Having had conversation with you I know where your words are coming from, somewhat.  You know, working with Mark has taught me that I can think out of the box.  Not everything fits and all verses don't end in a rhyme.  If I try to write otherwise they never get done.  Shad,  I believe the melody will dictate where you can take the words.  I think it's great that everyone is helping.  Shows respect for you.  I am going to see if I can make what you wrote fit.  Just for my own curiosity.  I have always been a fan of your music.  You know we are still working on Tribes.  We've had some things come up but we still have it in the working file.   Anyway, your song is very good and it is nice to get good tips.

Thanks guys. Yeah I know the patch sucks. I will see what I can do.

Meanwhile, here are the new lyrics that will plug into the current version of the song.

Liar,
killer,
con man,
and a mercenary.

God said,
do it.
I did.
Promised me a mighty Kingdom.

Wealth and power.
Golden tower.
Came to me, I had a waking dream.

Made me do it,
does it really mean a thing?
 
Maybe God is great.
Maybe God is strong.
If He loves us all so much, then,
why make us do wrong?

Prudence, Justice, Restraint:
Words without much meaning.

Faith and Hope and Charity:
Very rare...

White Knight.
Gods hand.
Judgment.
A man pleading on his knees.

Burning crosses
Holy War
God made me do it, said that's what he wanted.
All he wanted.

What he told me.
Told me what he wanted me to do.

Prudence, Justice, Restraint:
Words without much meaning.

Prudence, Justice, Restraint:
Words without much meaning.