The Pastors Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The
Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it
in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
 
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that
he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another
race.
The next day the local paper headline read: 
 
BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor
to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a
Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
 
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted.  He informed the Nun that she would
have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for
$10. 
 
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
 
 
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun
to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it
could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: 
 
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS
IS WILD AND FREE..
 

The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the
story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
life.  So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!! you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

 That was so funny, now lets tell jokes about black people, homosexuals and atheists.
 
 Seriously it's probably time for someone to contact the TOS. I'm not Catholic and this still upsets me.

Starise
 That was so funny, now lets tell jokes about black people, homosexuals and atheists.
 
 Seriously it's probably time for someone to contact the TOS. I'm not Catholic and this still upsets me.

Well Tim, at least he didn't try to get a cheap laugh by referring to homosexuals as "fairies", did he?
 

Starise
 I'm really upset. I thought there were fairies. The flying kind *ahem*. I guess that might depend on what you call a fairy...never mind...
 

 
I hope you're prepared to judge yourself by your own standards, and report your comments?
 
Just don't do it until I've had a chance to read your latest post in that thread.
 
 

Starise
 Submitted.

Really ??? ....... I mean ...... Really ????? Oh well, I guess it's good to see that hypocrisy is alive and well or did you report yourself too ?
 
FWIW I don't consider it should be offensive to anyone at all. It's just a play on words, nothing more.
 

SteveStrummerUK
 
 
 
 
 
Who'da thunk it y'all.
 
  
 

While I was laughing...I did...and posted here that pretty well explains why I would.
Post #71 I'm thinking.

speedtom
I didn't get it...so "ass" is a slang word for a donkey or what...? Sorry for the language barrier...I know everybody loves to explain a joke!

Donkey and or Jackass. Same thing.
Mule is the funny one....mix of Donkey and Horse.

 Hey Steve maybe I'm guilty too. I like to kid and maybe I have done the same thing at times without even realizing it. I'm a big enough man to admit that if I have done it and apologize to anyone I might have offended.
 
 As I see it though you are judging me based on a priciple from a Judeo Christian ethic which if you follow reason you shouldn't believe in. The old Beam in my eye looking at the splinter in my brothers eye concept. You don't believe in the God who came up with the concept. Why would you be using His rules?
 
 Paulo we all know what an ass is in either context and that was the whole idea for the joke.If you had only mean't it old english literal way then the joke would have had no context. If I'm easily offended then so be it. I'll roll with it either way.

 
Paul...
 
In view of the distress and hurt you've caused in this thread, I've decided that I'm going to have to thoroughly investigate your attitude and behaviour on these forums.
 
Firstly, I'm going to donkeyiduously donkeyess your last 1000 posts to see if you've committed any character donkeydonkeyinations on anyone.
 
I've asked other respected members of the forum to donkeyist me in this donkeyignment. As you can see, you can be donkeyured that I'm going to be thorough.
 
If me or my donkeyociates manage to donkeyemble any damning evidence against you, you can be sure that I'll bring an donkeyortment of charges against you.
 
Donkeyuming you are found not guilty of being a complete donkeyhole, you have my word that all charges will be dropped and any confiscated donkeyets will be returned to you.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Personally, I would have noted that the title was missing an apostrophe that shows the ass belongs to the pastor.

SteveStrummerUK
 
Paul...
 
In view of the distress and hurt you've caused in this thread, I've decided that I'm going to have to thoroughly investigate your attitude and behaviour on these forums.
 
Firstly, I'm going to donkeyiduously donkeyess your last 1000 posts to see if you've committed any character donkeydonkeyinations on anyone.
 
I've asked other respected members of the forum to donkeyist me in this donkeyignment. As you can see, you can be donkeyured that I'm going to be thorough.
 
If me or my donkeyociates manage to donkeyemble any damning evidence against you, you can be sure that I'll bring an donkeyortment of charges against you.
 
Donkeyuming you are found not guilty of being a complete donkeyhole, you have my word that all charges will be dropped and any confiscated donkeyets will be returned to you.
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
I think mule find me innocent.

 
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a  cut -glass bowl sitting on top of it.
 
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom.
 
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist."Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
 
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago  and I found this little package on the ground.  The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know, I haven't had the flu all winter."

spacey
I may not be "proper" but in the US a jackass is a male ass or donkey and a female is usually referred to as a jenny.
"jackass" takes the question of  what genre is that ass out of it...."jenny"....talking about Jennys' ass could ones proper ass kicked....or is that arse?
 
 

My wife is called Jenny and I find you talking about her backside offensive, not just for myself, but also on behalf of the Amish people, of which I am not one, but I hear they like donkeys and you shouldn't mention them in a thread about backsides. ;)

 Well Paulo I thought it was a slight on Catholics. I guess there are no holds barred here.  I don't see how it can't be taken for a slight, but that's just the way I see it. I can't help how I feel. I'm not the type to hold any kind of grudge for any length of time. I am not mad really I thought it was in bad taste maybe you don't agree and that's ok.
 
 Maybe the main thing I take from this is that nothing is really sacred in some peoples minds.
 
 I know I kid a lot and say things that are probably offensive to people at times. Only you know what you mean't by it. Maybe I jumped in too fast to judge here. It just rubbed me wrong that's all. I don't feel ashamed that I stated my opinion.

 
Coincidentally, while cleaning out the attic earlier today, I came across the trigger mechanism from a toy ray-gun that was given to me years ago by the priest at my childhood Sunday school...

That's a bit of a blaster from the pastor.
 
 

Starise
 Well Paulo I thought it was a slight on Catholics. I guess there are no holds barred here.  I don't see how it can't be taken for a slight, but that's just the way I see it. I can't help how I feel. I'm not the type to hold any kind of grudge for any length of time. I am not mad really I thought it was in bad taste maybe you don't agree and that's ok.
 
 Maybe the main thing I take from this is that nothing is really sacred in some peoples minds.
 
 I know I kid a lot and say things that are probably offensive to people at times. Only you know what you mean't by it. Maybe I jumped in too fast to judge here. It just rubbed me wrong that's all. I don't feel ashamed that I stated my opinion.

I'm not really interested either in falling out with people I don't know and will almost certainly never meet and won't be losing any sleep either. There was no intention to cause offence by posting this and for the life of me I honestly can't see how it could/would. What does rub me up the wrong way is the hypocrisy of being reported for violating the TOS by someone who has been willingly and repeatedly violating them in another thread. Don't get me wrong, I personally have no problem with the thread in question, it has been quite interesting to read at times, and I happen to think that there is nothing wrong with a healthy discussion about any subject at all, but you can't have it both ways. Either stick to "the rules" or don't.